What is the irrational thinking which leads you not to let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in life?

• I must solve every problem that comes my way.
• Only I can solve these problems.
• If I don't solve these problems, I will be seen by others as a failure or no good.
• I need to fix all of these things perfectly and as soon as possible.
• There is no one else available who is going to help me solve these problems.
• All those people need to do is to follow what I've told them to do.
• This place would be ideal if it would only do what I want it to do.
• These things wouldn't be so bad off if they had been left to me to take care of by myself.
• They don't know what to do and they need me to tell them.
• They can't do anything right without me. If they lose or fail, it will reflect badly on me.
• What would others think if things didn't work out the way they were supposed to?
• I've only known crisis, chaos, and panic in my life so why should I expect any peace, calmness, or serenity if I leave them to take care of themselves?
• I must make everything better around here or else I'll go crazy.
• If I let go too soon, things might change and I'd be sorry for releasing them too prematurely.
• If I let go of them, I might lose them.
• If I stop trying to fix and change them, they would no longer need me and leave me.
• There must be a way to turn them around and I can't give up yet.
• What if they blame me for not taking care of them if they fail or fall flat on their faces?
• I'd rather sacrifice myself than have them blame me later for not helping them.
• They are so irresponsible they would never do it on their own.

Enduring Discomfort

Whenever we make the effort to free ourselves of an addiction or a habit we no longer need, we are often surprised to find ourselves missing the old pattern as we would a familiar friend. This sounds counterintuitive, because we think we should instinctively gravitate toward that which is good for us. And yet, it makes a lot of sense when you consider that we humans are creatures of habit. This is why we gravitate to people and places—and patterns of behavior--that make us feel comfortable. Therefore, many of the habits we form are not conscious and are based instead on learned behavior from role models who were not always making the healthiest decisions.

Most addictions begin as a way of avoiding feelings that are extremely uncomfortable, so it makes sense that stopping the addiction means, for a time, a fair amount of discomfort. The same, of course, is true of habits that we have developed over time that we are ready to release. Just knowing that this is hard, and having compassion for ourselves as we work through this process, can help us to stay the course when we feel the urge to backtrack. It’s also helpful to remember that in time we will establish new, healthier patterns, and the yearning for the old ones will disappear. Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and the longing for positive change may form the basis of a new habit.

The only way to get to this new place is to endure a time of difficulty, which is a challenge we can confidently handle, if we remember that it will lead to the change we seek in our lives. Our bodies, hearts, and minds always need time to adjust to a new way of doing things, but they will adapt, and even become our allies, if we remain true to our vision of a new way.