When anxiety becomes a problem, the affected person is hampered
by stressful symptoms that inhibit clear thinking and proper management of
feelings. This then leads to avoidance and escape; we’re ‘wired’ to steer clear
of any perceived threat. Think about the following competencies that will
assist a better level of functioning when facing anxiety triggers:
1.
Appraisal.
This is the ability to look clearly at what’s happening around
you, to be able to stand back when worry, doubt, fear and uncertainty happen
and understand that this is how the world works. To be able to then ask the
questions, ‘How does my world work?’ and ‘Do I have the resilience and
self-acceptance to respond to such challenges?’
2.
Managing
conflict.
Conflict with others is inevitable when the needs we have clash
with the needs expressed by others, requiring negotiation, compromise and
reaching acceptable agreements.
3.
Decision-making.
This is so often blocked, delayed, confused or rushed by the
negative fear of making an error. The positive side of actually making a
decision is that it’s also personally enriching as it allows for other issues
to be given priority. Decision-making is compromised by seeking the perfect
decision, or being intolerant of any risk or ambiguity, leading to the
frustration of delays, lost opportunity and regrets.
4.
Learning
to deal with emotional distress.
If you’re fearful about your feelings this can lead to
suppression of feelings or reactive impulsivity to feelings; two opposites for
those unable to manage their emotions. The outcome of this is to either cease
to feel (suppression, which by definition is an incomplete solution) or
to go to the other extreme and be so overwhelmed by feelings that normal
functioning isn’t possible. Affect management involves being
‘in touch’ with feelings without being overwhelmed by them. Dealing with an emotional
crisis is an important maturational and developmental skill that’s learned
through guidance and practice.
5.
Managing
crisis and conflict.
Along with decision-making and resilience, crisis and conflict
management come from the secure base of an attachment to values and principles.
You don’t run your life on what’s convenient, expedient or easier, rather you
run it on the pursuit of values like truth, justice, love, trust and honesty,
which common sense teaches make us better human beings. To paraphrase
Wordsworth, ‘… the best portion of a good life are the many, small,
forgotten acts of kindness and love’.
6.
Goal-setting.
Setting goals directs and focuses your energy, increases your
self-esteem and helps you to achieve success, however small it might be.
7.
Managing
time.
This is part of self-awareness. Being aware enables a person to
string together blocks of time that gradually build skills and goal
achievement. Never underestimate the value of a short concentrated burst of 10,
20 or 30 minutes to get something done.
8.
Being
mindful and aware.
Contemporary psychology has been enhanced by the growth in
recent decades of the skills of awareness and mindfulness. To self-skill in
slowing down the mind and the body opens up so many possibilities for change
strategies, processing intrapersonal blockages and growing the healing mind.
9.
Being
an inclusive person.
This is the opposite of excluding others who have hurt or
disappointed you, who are different from or unknown to you. It embodies the
truly human qualities of acceptance and love.
10.
Looking
after yourself.
The great Irish writer Jonathon Swift, gave advice totally
relevant to our 21st Century health care, ‘… the best doctors I know
are Dr. Diet, Dr.Quiet and Dr. Merryman’.
