Enduring Discomfort

Whenever we make the effort to free ourselves of an addiction or a habit we no longer need, we are often surprised to find ourselves missing the old pattern as we would a familiar friend. This sounds counterintuitive, because we think we should instinctively gravitate toward what is good for us. Yet, it makes a lot of sense when you consider that we humans are creatures of habit. This is why we gravitate to people and places—and patterns of behavior—that make us feel comfortable. Therefore, many of the habits we form are not conscious and are based instead on learned behavior from role models who were not always making the healthiest decisions.

Most addictions begin as a way of avoiding feelings that are extremely uncomfortable, so it makes sense that stopping the addiction means a fair amount of discomfort for a time. The same is also true of habits that we have developed over time that we are ready to release. Just knowing that this is hard, and having compassion for ourselves as we work through this process, can help us to stay the course when we feel the urge to backtrack. It’s also helpful to remember that in time we will establish new, healthier patterns, and the yearning for the old ones will disappear. Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and the longing for positive change may form the basis of a new habit.

The only way to get to this new place is to endure a time of difficulty, which is a challenge we can confidently handle, if we remember that it will lead to the change we seek in our lives. Our bodies, hearts, and minds always need time to adjust to a new way of doing things, but they will adapt, and even become our allies, if we remain true to our vision of a new way.

Perfectionism

Being perfectionist, the best you can do is to break even. You NEVER win.

Control

The less a man controls himself the more he will be forced to try to control others.

~Vernon Howard

Remembering Awareness

Remembering awareness………. it is a freedom we have only imagined possible

Seven Important Sets Of Principles

1. The four frames of reference (satipatthana): body, feelings, mind, mental qualities.

2. The four right exertions (sammappadhana): making the effort to prevent evil from arising, to abandon whatever evil has arisen, to give rise to the good that hasn't yet arisen, and to maintain the good that has.

3. The four foundations of achievement (iddhipada):
Chanda — feeling an affinity for one's meditation theme.
Viriya — persistence.
Citta — intentness on one's goal.
Vimangsa — circumspection in one's activities and interests.

4. The five pre-eminent factors (indriya): conviction, persistence, mindfulness, concentration, discernment (factors that are pre-eminent in performing one's duties).

5. The five strengths (bala): conviction, persistence mindfulness, concentration, discernment (factors that give energy to the observance of one's duties).

6. The seven factors for Awakening (bojjhanga):
Sati-sambojjhanga — powers of mindfulness, recollection, and reference.
Dhammavicaya-sambojjhanga — discrimination in choosing a meditation theme well-suited to oneself.
Viriya-sambojjhanga — persistence.
Piti-sambojjhanga — rapture; fullness of body and mind.
Passaddhi-sambojjhanga — physical stillness and mental serenity.
Samadhi-sambojjhanga — concentration.
Upekkha-sambojjhanga — equanimity.

7. The eightfold path (magga):
Samma-ditthi — Right View.
Samma-sankappa — Right Intention.
Samma-vaca — Right Speech.
Samma-kammanta — Right Action.
Samma-ajiva — Right Livelihood.
Samma-vayama — Right Effort.
Samma-sati — Right Mindfulness.
Samma-samadhi — Right Concentration.

Slowing Down And Being Patient

The desire to connect with people on your terms could cause you to fail to recognize what they actually need from you. Patience may be the best remedy for your unintended callousness. If you can pause for a moment and carefully consider how your choices may be impacting others, you could find that there are ways to connect with people without pushing your agenda on them. As you seek to fulfill your needs, ask yourself how you might also take into consideration the needs of others. Your associates and your loved ones will likely respond to your thoughtfulness by responding to your need for connection. Slowing down and being patient when it comes to having your needs met can give you time to observe others and consider how your actions may be affecting them. It can be easy to overlook the thoughts and feelings of others when we are rushed and feel pressured to focus only on what we want or require. Your consideration will benefit you as much as it benefits them. Once you have put aside your haste, connecting to people becomes effortless and organic. Be patient with others, and you will increase the chances of getting your relationship needs met.

Just Watch And Let Go

Try to keep your mind in the present. Whatever there is that arises in the mind, just watch it. Let go of it. Don't even wish to be rid of thoughts. Then the mind will reach its natural state. No discriminating between good and bad, hot and cold, fast and slow. No me and no you, no self at all. Just what there is. When you walk on alms-round, no need to do anything special. Simply walk and see what there is. No need to cling to isolation or seclusion. Wherever you are, know yourself by being natural and watching. If doubts arise, watch them come and go. It's very simple. Hold on to nothing. It is as though you are walking down a road. Periodically you will run into obstacles. When you meet defilements, just see them and just overcome them by letting go of them. don't think about the obstacles you have passed already. Don't worry about those you have not yet seen. Stick to the present. Don't be concerned about the length of the road or about the destination. Everything is changing. Whatever you pass, do not cling to it. Eventually the mind will reach its natural balance where practice is automatic. All things will come and go of themselves.

It Will Pass

A student went to his meditation teacher and said, "My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling asleep. It's just horrible!"
"It will pass," the teacher said matter-of-factly.
A week later, the student came back to his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!'
"It will pass," the teacher replied matter-of-factly.

"What others do and do not do is not my concern," said the Buddha. "What I do and do not do - that is my concern."

~Buddha

Life As It Is

At the end of the day, we must come to terms with changing what we can and accepting what we cannot change. Sometimes the laundry piles up, a sick child demands more of our attention than usual, and we temporarily get behind with our schedule. Accepting this momentary state of affairs and trusting in our ability to get back on track when the time is right, we gracefully accept our life as it is, letting go of perfectionism and embracing life as it stands.

Taking Responsibility

Who is imprisoning us in suffering? Your mother? Your father? Your boss? The person who cut you off on the highway? Are they the ones who are imprisoning you in suffering? No! We are our own jail-keeper. We construct the prison, we put ourselves inside the cell, we lock it up and throw away the key. And then we blame the world for it.

Self-Created Stress

Do you ever notice that with the major events, or the life altering experiences, we show amazing courage and grace? We ask for help and reach out to our support systems, and most of the time we get that support and we persevere. But what makes our day-to-day lives less fulfilling than they can be, and eats away at us and the quality of our lives is making big things out of things that really are small and creating stress out of ordinary life events.
If we want to reduce our self-created stress, we need to focus our efforts on our minds and thoughts. We are used to thinking of stress as originating from outside of us, from external sources. In reality, it’s not the events or stimuli in life that cause us stress it’s our response to those stimuli and how we internalize them.

I Caught Myself

One recent night while I was having trouble falling asleep, I caught myself. I was anxious because I was treating my thoughts as if they were reality. I was carefully pondering all of the possible scenarios that could arise from each counterproductive thought in my head. What could happen, what I fear may happen, what I will have to do if certain things happen in a particular order.
All of it was exhausting garbage. Totally unnecessary. Not based on fact. Conjecture and speculation. Self-created stress that I cause for myself inside of my own head. I was so relieved to catch myself and realize that I didn’t have to give those thoughts my attention. It’s so liberating.
It may be part of the human condition to dwell on negative thoughts, but we can all do a better job at catching ourselves sooner when we allow those thoughts to become front-page news. Remind yourself that a thought is not necessarily reality; it’s just a thought. A thought is a thought is a thought. Nothing more. It has no power to it unless you give it some. Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true and worthy of your careful consideration.
The reality is that we have a constant internal dialogue and think over 50,000 thoughts a day and it is norman. It can be difficult to consciously try not to think of something. In many cases, the best thing to do is just keep your constant internal chatter in the background. Practice allowing it to be there, but not paying particular attention to it. Think of it as annoying static on a television or radio. It may be in the background, but if you don’t pay attention to it or focus on it, it won’t irritate you. If you practice ignoring it, the same thoughts may be present but they lose their effect on you. Sooner or later you may just forget about it completely.
After all, can’t life be tough enough without making it worse than it has to be inside of your own head? Why torture yourself with your own thoughts?

~Kevin Stacey
www.trainrightinc.com

Self-Reliance

If you need someone or something to support your present position, you have a false position.