Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I was anxious because I was treating my thoughts as if they were reality. I was carefully pondering all of the possible scenarios that could arise from each counterproductive thought in my head. What could happen, what I fear may happen, what I will have to do if certain things happen in a particular order. All of it was exhausting garbage. Totally unnecessary. Not based on fact. Conjecture and speculation. Self-created stress that I cause for myself inside of my own head.
~Kevin Stacey
~Kevin Stacey
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mental Toughness
1. Self-Belief:
• Having an unshakable belief in your ability to achieve competition goals
• Unique qualities that make you better than your opponents.
2. Motivation:
• Having an insatiable desire and internalized motivation to succeed (you really got to want it)
• Ability to bounce back from performance setbacks with increased determination to succeed.
3. Focus:
• Remain fully focused on the task at hand in the face of competition-specific distractions
• Able to switch focus on and off as required
• Not being adversely affected by others performance or your own internal distractions (worry, negative mind chatter)
4. Composure/Handling Pressure:
• Able to regain psychological control following unexpected events or distractions
• Thriving on the pressure of competition (embracing pressure, stepping into the moment)
• Accept that anxiety is inevitable in competition and know you can cope with it
• Having an unshakable belief in your ability to achieve competition goals
• Unique qualities that make you better than your opponents.
2. Motivation:
• Having an insatiable desire and internalized motivation to succeed (you really got to want it)
• Ability to bounce back from performance setbacks with increased determination to succeed.
3. Focus:
• Remain fully focused on the task at hand in the face of competition-specific distractions
• Able to switch focus on and off as required
• Not being adversely affected by others performance or your own internal distractions (worry, negative mind chatter)
4. Composure/Handling Pressure:
• Able to regain psychological control following unexpected events or distractions
• Thriving on the pressure of competition (embracing pressure, stepping into the moment)
• Accept that anxiety is inevitable in competition and know you can cope with it
Richard's Life Tips
1) The first principle is that of “thought.” In short, our ability to think creates our psychological experience of life and most importantly, thinking is a voluntary function. In other words, we produce the thoughts---we think them up! And, with no time in-between, we feel the effects of those thoughts. That’s why it’s so critical to be aware that you are the one producing and thinking your own thoughts.
If you ever tried to scare yourself with your own voice, you’d be out of luck. Why? Because, very simply, you’d always be one step ahead of yourself----you’d know it was you who was saying “boo.”! By becoming aware that we are the producers of our own thoughts, we can have a similar insight. We will always have thoughts to contend with, but once we realize that we create and produce them, it’s pretty hard to be freaked out by them.
Instead of bumming ourselves out or getting angry or scared, we simply say to ourselves, “Whoops, there I go again,” reminding yourself that you’re having what you might come to call a “thought attack.” If you have any type of thought and know it’s “just a thought,” and it’s stemming from inside of you, it’s easy to drop it, and bring yourself back to this precious moment.
2) The principle of moods is incredibly simple. When we’re in a “good” mood, life generally looks pretty good. But when we’re in a “bad” mood, the same life (and that’s the key)! The exact same life looks drastically different. All of a sudden the partner you were so in love with is problamic, the car you drive doesn’t look so good and your future looks less than promising.
But how can this be? While in a good mood, you’re totally in love, the car you drive is absolutely fine and your future looks great. I could give a hundred other examples, but I’m sure you get the point. Your life doesn’t change-----only your mood does. Knowing this changes everything. When you’re down, you feel it and you make allowances for it. You don’t take your own thinking very seriously at all.
Instead, it’s a waiting game. You wait until your mood returns to a better state and then you think about your problems. Same with other people. You begin to recognize when someone is in a low mood and when they are, you don’t take what they say and do very seriously. It’s really that simple. Everyone is subject to moods and when any of us are in a low mood we will say and do things we wouldn’t even consider while in a better frame of mind. Knowing this is a huge advantage. You learn to make allowances for others and their moods---and you get used to the expression, “But for the grace of God, go I.”
When you do suppose most people discuss their problems? While in a low mood of course, because that’s when life has a sense of urgency. But ironically, you can't solve a problem when your low because you have lost your wisdom, common sense and happiness. But when your mood rises, you’ll have your wisdom back and life will look good again! I used to tell couples about this trick all the time and, frequently, one of the partners’ would say to me, “But Richard, if we waited until our mood rose to discuss our problems, it wouldn’t seem like we had problems to discuss.” “That’s the point,” I would say.
3) The third principle is called Separate Psychological Realities. Essentially, this means that because we all think uniquely, we each live if a separate psychological reality. This one is easy to apply. All you have to do is expect, rather than be surprised or disappointed when someone disagrees with you or can’t see things your way. Of course they can’t!
4) Fourth is the principle of feelings. This is probably my favorite and is certainly the simplest. Essentially, all you have to do is pay attention to your feelings. Then, depending on what you are feeling, you use that information to guide you as to what to do. For example, if you’re angry, instead of “thinking” about why you’re angry, you use the angry feelings to remind yourself that you’re a little off base, because again, your goal is to be happy.
You must be thinking angry thoughts or you would be having different types of feelings. Your feelings, positive or negative, are not “bad,” they are simply information and they are foolproof in letting you know where you stand and what needs to be done.
5) The last principle is to live more of our life in the present moment. By using our feelings, we can tell when our mind is drifting away from this moment—which is so common in today’s world. But as you bring your attention back to just this moment, you’ll begin to feel the joy of each precious moment of life. When you’re bothered or irritated, it will usually be because you’re thinking about something that is already over or something that is yet to be.
~Richard Carlson
If you ever tried to scare yourself with your own voice, you’d be out of luck. Why? Because, very simply, you’d always be one step ahead of yourself----you’d know it was you who was saying “boo.”! By becoming aware that we are the producers of our own thoughts, we can have a similar insight. We will always have thoughts to contend with, but once we realize that we create and produce them, it’s pretty hard to be freaked out by them.
Instead of bumming ourselves out or getting angry or scared, we simply say to ourselves, “Whoops, there I go again,” reminding yourself that you’re having what you might come to call a “thought attack.” If you have any type of thought and know it’s “just a thought,” and it’s stemming from inside of you, it’s easy to drop it, and bring yourself back to this precious moment.
2) The principle of moods is incredibly simple. When we’re in a “good” mood, life generally looks pretty good. But when we’re in a “bad” mood, the same life (and that’s the key)! The exact same life looks drastically different. All of a sudden the partner you were so in love with is problamic, the car you drive doesn’t look so good and your future looks less than promising.
But how can this be? While in a good mood, you’re totally in love, the car you drive is absolutely fine and your future looks great. I could give a hundred other examples, but I’m sure you get the point. Your life doesn’t change-----only your mood does. Knowing this changes everything. When you’re down, you feel it and you make allowances for it. You don’t take your own thinking very seriously at all.
Instead, it’s a waiting game. You wait until your mood returns to a better state and then you think about your problems. Same with other people. You begin to recognize when someone is in a low mood and when they are, you don’t take what they say and do very seriously. It’s really that simple. Everyone is subject to moods and when any of us are in a low mood we will say and do things we wouldn’t even consider while in a better frame of mind. Knowing this is a huge advantage. You learn to make allowances for others and their moods---and you get used to the expression, “But for the grace of God, go I.”
When you do suppose most people discuss their problems? While in a low mood of course, because that’s when life has a sense of urgency. But ironically, you can't solve a problem when your low because you have lost your wisdom, common sense and happiness. But when your mood rises, you’ll have your wisdom back and life will look good again! I used to tell couples about this trick all the time and, frequently, one of the partners’ would say to me, “But Richard, if we waited until our mood rose to discuss our problems, it wouldn’t seem like we had problems to discuss.” “That’s the point,” I would say.
3) The third principle is called Separate Psychological Realities. Essentially, this means that because we all think uniquely, we each live if a separate psychological reality. This one is easy to apply. All you have to do is expect, rather than be surprised or disappointed when someone disagrees with you or can’t see things your way. Of course they can’t!
4) Fourth is the principle of feelings. This is probably my favorite and is certainly the simplest. Essentially, all you have to do is pay attention to your feelings. Then, depending on what you are feeling, you use that information to guide you as to what to do. For example, if you’re angry, instead of “thinking” about why you’re angry, you use the angry feelings to remind yourself that you’re a little off base, because again, your goal is to be happy.
You must be thinking angry thoughts or you would be having different types of feelings. Your feelings, positive or negative, are not “bad,” they are simply information and they are foolproof in letting you know where you stand and what needs to be done.
5) The last principle is to live more of our life in the present moment. By using our feelings, we can tell when our mind is drifting away from this moment—which is so common in today’s world. But as you bring your attention back to just this moment, you’ll begin to feel the joy of each precious moment of life. When you’re bothered or irritated, it will usually be because you’re thinking about something that is already over or something that is yet to be.
~Richard Carlson
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Walking Through Your Fear
The situations, activities, and individuals that frighten us remain static. Their relative intensity does not change. Fear, on the other hand, self-magnifies. It is when you are afraid and envisioning all that might go wrong that the energy underlying your fear grows. A tiny flicker of anxiety can easily develop into a terror that manifests itself physically and eventually paralyzes you into inaction. Though frequently, in walking through that fear, we discover that the strength of our fright was out of synch with reality. And we learn that doing what frightens us can lead to great blessings. Confronting your trepidation head-on will help you accept that few frightening scenarios will ever live up to the negative disasters that we sometimes play out in our minds.
Though fear is literally an evolutionary gift meant to sharpen your senses and energize you during times of great stress, it can nonetheless become a barrier that prevents you from fulfilling your potential by causing you to miss out on rewarding, life-changing experiences. During the period before you face your fear, you may have to deal with a barrage of negative thoughts and emotions. Walking through it, whether your fear is public speaking, taking part in an activity that makes you nervous, or asserting yourself when the odds are against you, may be equally as difficult. But once you have emerged unscathed on the other side, which you will, you will likely wonder why you assumed the worst in the first place. As you spend time worrying about what might happen, it’s good to know that your fear probably won’t happen at all. It may feel like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders, and you will likely feel a sense of passionate pride. Walking through your fear can! mean taking risks and can require both practice and patience. Since it is challenging to act when you are gripped with fear, start small.
Each step you take into fear will strengthen you and help you confront future fears with poise, courage, and confidence. You will also find that when you are willing to stare your fear in the face, the universe will always offer you some form of aid or support. When you see the heights of accomplishment and personal evolution you can attain when you walk through your fears, your faith in yourself will grow, allowing your next step to be easier.
~DailyOM
Though fear is literally an evolutionary gift meant to sharpen your senses and energize you during times of great stress, it can nonetheless become a barrier that prevents you from fulfilling your potential by causing you to miss out on rewarding, life-changing experiences. During the period before you face your fear, you may have to deal with a barrage of negative thoughts and emotions. Walking through it, whether your fear is public speaking, taking part in an activity that makes you nervous, or asserting yourself when the odds are against you, may be equally as difficult. But once you have emerged unscathed on the other side, which you will, you will likely wonder why you assumed the worst in the first place. As you spend time worrying about what might happen, it’s good to know that your fear probably won’t happen at all. It may feel like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders, and you will likely feel a sense of passionate pride. Walking through your fear can! mean taking risks and can require both practice and patience. Since it is challenging to act when you are gripped with fear, start small.
Each step you take into fear will strengthen you and help you confront future fears with poise, courage, and confidence. You will also find that when you are willing to stare your fear in the face, the universe will always offer you some form of aid or support. When you see the heights of accomplishment and personal evolution you can attain when you walk through your fears, your faith in yourself will grow, allowing your next step to be easier.
~DailyOM
Monday, May 4, 2009
Emotional Intelligence
"Most of us are walking landmines full of emotional 'buttons' waiting to be pushed. As long as we have these buttons we become victims to whoever, or whatever, pushes them. True freedom lies in not having any buttons to push."
Self-awareness is the foundation for developing a wider and deeper range of emotional intelligence skills. By deepening our self-awareness we can continuously monitor our emotional responses to everyday situations. This is a skill which can be developed with practice. Once developed this skill enables us to become aware of our own conditioned responses to situations, to learn how to ‘inhibit’ our learnt responses and to choose new responses. It takes some time and effort to learn, but once acquired this can be done in a matter of seconds- even in busy working situations. This self-awareness and ability to choose new responses are key elements of emotional intelligence. With awareness we become aware of our conditioned habitual responses and can create a gap in which we choose to respond differently. We can set ourselves free.
Emotional intelligence skills enable us to read our emotions and make adjustments where appropriate. They enable us to 'detach' from our emotions when necessary, without suppressing them. As we become self-aware we develop the ability to observe our thoughts and emotions and dis-identify rather than be identified with them. We realize that we can change our habitual emotional responses, and choose a different response. For example, no one outside of us has the power to make us angry. If we find ourselves often becoming angry in response to similar situations, it is because anger may have become a conditioned response for us. With self-awareness and practice we can experience the freedom to choose a different emotion.
We can reach a stage where we are no longer swept away by emotions. We can empathize with others who are struggling with emotional-mental attachments. We no longer take others’ emotions personally, or feel a need to react to them.
True freedom and true autonomy comes when we are free of these habitual gut reactions and we have an awareness of what’s happening in our systems. We become free to feel differently. Our actions may or may not change but our sense of power and freedom comes from feeling differently about our action and choices. It stems from a growing awareness that we are acting from choice and freedom and not a place of powerlessness or an idea that somebody else has control over us or that somebody else has the power to make us feel a certain way. We might even realize that no one and nothing outside of us really has the power to ‘make us’ feel anything.
We become empowered and are no longer victims of external factors. We have the power to choose our own responses to whatever happens. We have the power of choosing where we place our attention in any moment, which gives us the power to choose a different response. Once we are clear of habitual reactions we have the freedom to evaluate and respond differently in each new moment. Our ability to respond differently to each fresh situation brings a deep knowing that we have this essential basic freedom.
This deeper understanding leads us to new ways of being, new ways of interacting with others and new levels of compassion. It deepens and enriches our communication and our relationships. This is emotional intelligence.
~Ruth Hadikin
Self-awareness is the foundation for developing a wider and deeper range of emotional intelligence skills. By deepening our self-awareness we can continuously monitor our emotional responses to everyday situations. This is a skill which can be developed with practice. Once developed this skill enables us to become aware of our own conditioned responses to situations, to learn how to ‘inhibit’ our learnt responses and to choose new responses. It takes some time and effort to learn, but once acquired this can be done in a matter of seconds- even in busy working situations. This self-awareness and ability to choose new responses are key elements of emotional intelligence. With awareness we become aware of our conditioned habitual responses and can create a gap in which we choose to respond differently. We can set ourselves free.
Emotional intelligence skills enable us to read our emotions and make adjustments where appropriate. They enable us to 'detach' from our emotions when necessary, without suppressing them. As we become self-aware we develop the ability to observe our thoughts and emotions and dis-identify rather than be identified with them. We realize that we can change our habitual emotional responses, and choose a different response. For example, no one outside of us has the power to make us angry. If we find ourselves often becoming angry in response to similar situations, it is because anger may have become a conditioned response for us. With self-awareness and practice we can experience the freedom to choose a different emotion.
We can reach a stage where we are no longer swept away by emotions. We can empathize with others who are struggling with emotional-mental attachments. We no longer take others’ emotions personally, or feel a need to react to them.
True freedom and true autonomy comes when we are free of these habitual gut reactions and we have an awareness of what’s happening in our systems. We become free to feel differently. Our actions may or may not change but our sense of power and freedom comes from feeling differently about our action and choices. It stems from a growing awareness that we are acting from choice and freedom and not a place of powerlessness or an idea that somebody else has control over us or that somebody else has the power to make us feel a certain way. We might even realize that no one and nothing outside of us really has the power to ‘make us’ feel anything.
We become empowered and are no longer victims of external factors. We have the power to choose our own responses to whatever happens. We have the power of choosing where we place our attention in any moment, which gives us the power to choose a different response. Once we are clear of habitual reactions we have the freedom to evaluate and respond differently in each new moment. Our ability to respond differently to each fresh situation brings a deep knowing that we have this essential basic freedom.
This deeper understanding leads us to new ways of being, new ways of interacting with others and new levels of compassion. It deepens and enriches our communication and our relationships. This is emotional intelligence.
~Ruth Hadikin
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