Emotional Intelligence

"Most of us are walking landmines full of emotional 'buttons' waiting to be pushed. As long as we have these buttons we become victims to whoever, or whatever, pushes them. True freedom lies in not having any buttons to push."

Self-awareness is the foundation for developing a wider and deeper range of emotional intelligence skills. By deepening our self-awareness we can continuously monitor our emotional responses to everyday situations. This is a skill which can be developed with practice. Once developed this skill enables us to become aware of our own conditioned responses to situations, to learn how to ‘inhibit’ our learnt responses and to choose new responses. It takes some time and effort to learn, but once acquired this can be done in a matter of seconds- even in busy working situations. This self-awareness and ability to choose new responses are key elements of emotional intelligence. With awareness we become aware of our conditioned habitual responses and can create a gap in which we choose to respond differently. We can set ourselves free.

Emotional intelligence skills enable us to read our emotions and make adjustments where appropriate. They enable us to 'detach' from our emotions when necessary, without suppressing them. As we become self-aware we develop the ability to observe our thoughts and emotions and dis-identify rather than be identified with them. We realize that we can change our habitual emotional responses, and choose a different response. For example, no one outside of us has the power to make us angry. If we find ourselves often becoming angry in response to similar situations, it is because anger may have become a conditioned response for us. With self-awareness and practice we can experience the freedom to choose a different emotion.

We can reach a stage where we are no longer swept away by emotions. We can empathize with others who are struggling with emotional-mental attachments. We no longer take others’ emotions personally, or feel a need to react to them.

True freedom and true autonomy comes when we are free of these habitual gut reactions and we have an awareness of what’s happening in our systems. We become free to feel differently. Our actions may or may not change but our sense of power and freedom comes from feeling differently about our action and choices. It stems from a growing awareness that we are acting from choice and freedom and not a place of powerlessness or an idea that somebody else has control over us or that somebody else has the power to make us feel a certain way. We might even realize that no one and nothing outside of us really has the power to ‘make us’ feel anything.

We become empowered and are no longer victims of external factors. We have the power to choose our own responses to whatever happens. We have the power of choosing where we place our attention in any moment, which gives us the power to choose a different response. Once we are clear of habitual reactions we have the freedom to evaluate and respond differently in each new moment. Our ability to respond differently to each fresh situation brings a deep knowing that we have this essential basic freedom.

This deeper understanding leads us to new ways of being, new ways of interacting with others and new levels of compassion. It deepens and enriches our communication and our relationships. This is emotional intelligence.

~Ruth Hadikin