Thoughts on Thoughtwrestling

When Mark told me about creating this site, naturally the first thing I pondered was what the name means. “Thoughtwrestling” – it captures the imagination because it is an apparent contradiction, combining the ethereal with the physical.

But of course, we wrestle with our thoughts every day. We wake up, get ourselves and our families ready for school and work, and the interactions begin. Perhaps something is weighing on our mind and it bubbles over into a completely unrelated moment: we snap at the guy making our coffee, or react badly to a remark we would normally disregard.

Suddenly, we have a grain of Drama in our day, and we fixate on it: we replay the moment in our mind, imagine what we should have said, imagine the reply, imagine a completely different outcome. And chances are this happens more than once a day, or we remember other incidents from other days. As we move through the day, our imagined life and what actually happens to us struggles for the same limited attention span. It adds to our stress levels, impacts our happiness and that of those who love us. Our ever- categorizing minds keep track of these incidents, for future reference.

And that’s just the day to day. During periods of extraordinary stress, our coping skills are tested and sometimes the path forward is not clear; we may wind up having an extraordinary reaction in the opposite direction. A minor disagreement at work, combined with the weight of previous incidents real or imagined, may lead to us suddenly quitting. A glass of wine with supper may turn into a bottle over the course of the evening - every evening.

I know the progression all too well. But I have also experienced peaceful moments, where it seemed as if everything was clear, with no grievances from the past or worries of the future weighing on the present. Much of my own life has reflected a desire for a quiet and ordered mind, from infrequent stretches of martial arts training to studying Zen Buddhism.

Of course, what we desire and what actually happens are often two different things; but working toward that desire for peace is, at least, a start. We can cultivate peaceful moments through a variety of meditative activities; things that may require minimal thought but are still productive, like driving, running, washing dishes, playing video games. We can take regular breaks at work, negotiate with our family for “quiet” time.

The mind does not like to do nothing. With no external stimulation, it will try to create something to do. It will dredge up today’s Drama. If that doesn’t work, it will call for reinforcements.