Saturday, February 25, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Jockey For Power
It may not sound surprising to suggest that most of us jockey for power in our business and personal relationships. The real insight comes from understanding the patterns of behavior that we fall into while pursuing the power of "least interest."
In a study I did on high-need-for-achievement personalities, my team and I observed over and over how these driven individuals sabotage their own relationships at work in their reaction to perceived asymmetries with others. Feelings of inequity in relationships cause us to act out in ways that only exacerbate the problem, and can create destructive cycles that are hard to break.
The downward spiral looks something like this: A person perceives that his subordinate, partner, spouse, boss, or some other party has less interest in a relationship. He may begin to act out in reaction to the imbalance -- pouting or getting unnecessarily angry over small incidents, becoming more critical of others at work and at home -- as his emotional fuse grows increasingly short.
He may fight fire with fire, distancing himself in those relationships in an attempt to regain power and control through expressing less interest. These tactics trigger a similar reaction from the other person, resulting in a self-reinforcing loop of distrust and misunderstanding.
Rather than having a difficult but necessary conversation to identify and resolve the issues at hand, these individuals fear that nothing can be done to get them back in favor and simply continue the cycle in the vain hope that things will somehow balance out. Instead of first reflecting on his own anxieties and insecurities, the individual lashes out at others, placing the blame for the foundering relationship on them.
The power of least interest can cause people to cloak themselves in indifference rather than take the effort and the risks needed to build relationships based on trust. Escaping these zero-sum power games requires a willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and others, to recognize and manage power imbalances while not allowing them to consume you. This is a tall but critical order in a world where our physical and virtual connections to others (and their associated power dynamics) are only growing more complicated.
In a study I did on high-need-for-achievement personalities, my team and I observed over and over how these driven individuals sabotage their own relationships at work in their reaction to perceived asymmetries with others. Feelings of inequity in relationships cause us to act out in ways that only exacerbate the problem, and can create destructive cycles that are hard to break.
The downward spiral looks something like this: A person perceives that his subordinate, partner, spouse, boss, or some other party has less interest in a relationship. He may begin to act out in reaction to the imbalance -- pouting or getting unnecessarily angry over small incidents, becoming more critical of others at work and at home -- as his emotional fuse grows increasingly short.
He may fight fire with fire, distancing himself in those relationships in an attempt to regain power and control through expressing less interest. These tactics trigger a similar reaction from the other person, resulting in a self-reinforcing loop of distrust and misunderstanding.
Rather than having a difficult but necessary conversation to identify and resolve the issues at hand, these individuals fear that nothing can be done to get them back in favor and simply continue the cycle in the vain hope that things will somehow balance out. Instead of first reflecting on his own anxieties and insecurities, the individual lashes out at others, placing the blame for the foundering relationship on them.
The power of least interest can cause people to cloak themselves in indifference rather than take the effort and the risks needed to build relationships based on trust. Escaping these zero-sum power games requires a willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and others, to recognize and manage power imbalances while not allowing them to consume you. This is a tall but critical order in a world where our physical and virtual connections to others (and their associated power dynamics) are only growing more complicated.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Psychology of Mind (Dr. Mark Howard)
Dr. Mark Howard, part 2, talks about the Three Principles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9wk7IX2P1c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9wk7IX2P1c
Monday, February 13, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Characterized by: instability of mood, poor self-esteem and self-image, and poor impulse control (1). These mood fluctuations may occur over the space of hours or days, as opposed to the mood fluctuations that occur in bipolar affective disorder. There is often a great fear of abandonment, and higher sensitivity to rejection (or perceived rejection). This can manifest as more unstable interpersonal relationships. The term “splitting” refers to these intense by transient relationships, which can suddenly switch from idealization to contempt.
A person with borderline personality disorder can be incredibly charismatic and witty and enjoyable to be around. Beware of the patient who is overly effusive regarding your abilities. It can be a sign of splitting.
In the doctor-patient relationship splitting can be very problematic, as miscommunication is more like to occur in this setting. Team communication even to the point of regular case meetings, becomes even more important when “splitting” is occurring.
Patients with borderline personality disorder certainly have a higher rate of self-harm without suicidal intent, and in addition a higher rate of suicide attempts (unfortunately sometimes successful).
Epidemiologically borderline personality disorder is much more common in women (ratio of 4:1), and there is often a history of childhood trauma. It is difficult to make a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder prior to the age of 18 years, due to the other developmental changes occurring at this time. It is also extremely uncommon for a first diagnosis of borderline personality disorder after the age of 40 years. This may reflect the evolution of borderline personality disorder into more stable personality disorders, or it may mean that patients with borderline personality disorder may stop seeking help as they age.
A person with borderline personality disorder can be incredibly charismatic and witty and enjoyable to be around. Beware of the patient who is overly effusive regarding your abilities. It can be a sign of splitting.
In the doctor-patient relationship splitting can be very problematic, as miscommunication is more like to occur in this setting. Team communication even to the point of regular case meetings, becomes even more important when “splitting” is occurring.
Patients with borderline personality disorder certainly have a higher rate of self-harm without suicidal intent, and in addition a higher rate of suicide attempts (unfortunately sometimes successful).
Epidemiologically borderline personality disorder is much more common in women (ratio of 4:1), and there is often a history of childhood trauma. It is difficult to make a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder prior to the age of 18 years, due to the other developmental changes occurring at this time. It is also extremely uncommon for a first diagnosis of borderline personality disorder after the age of 40 years. This may reflect the evolution of borderline personality disorder into more stable personality disorders, or it may mean that patients with borderline personality disorder may stop seeking help as they age.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
No Separate Self
Nervousness is a result of wrongly believing that we have a separate self to protect.
~Vernon Howard
~Vernon Howard
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Neurotic thinks that everything, which they perceive as против шерсти is threat to their entire existence, manipulating people around them into walking on eggshells.
Ex. Neurotic husband buys a pack of sour cream. During dinner, mother in law makes a comment that the sour cream, which husband bought couple of weeks ago was better. Husband treats this comment as an attack, as if he manufactured that "bad" sour cream, and throws a tantrum.
Ex. Neurotic husband buys a pack of sour cream. During dinner, mother in law makes a comment that the sour cream, which husband bought couple of weeks ago was better. Husband treats this comment as an attack, as if he manufactured that "bad" sour cream, and throws a tantrum.
Friday, February 3, 2012
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