Let me give you an analogy. Imagine your feelings are like a radio station – call it EMOTIONS 101.9. This station is rather annoying – sometimes you have depression come on, sometimes anxiety, sometimes anger or shame. So, most of the time, you don’t want to listen to it. Let me ask you – do you think this radio station has an off and on button? (At this point, most clients will say yes). Well, actually it does not. Not only does it not have an off/on button, it never did – so it’s not like it broke off – it was never there in the first place. And that is exactly what we know about emotions now – that they come and go as they please, and you cannot turn them on or off. So, with that said, the question here is: are you going to spend your time fiddling with the radio station trying to turn it off, even though it does not have an “off” button while you miss out everything that is going on around you …. Or are you going to let it play in the background while you focus on other things in your life?

What’s also interesting, is that if you do this – focus on things in your life rather then try to turn this radio station off, you’ll find that many of these emotions fade out on their own.

The other interesting thing about this analogy is this: many people get upset at themselves for feeling a certain way – for example, being mad that you let some one get to you, or feeling ashamed for being angry. Well, if your feelings are a radio have no off/on button, is there any reason to feel mad at yourself for getting mad, for example, or judging your feelings at all? If there is no “on” button, you could not have created these feelings in the first place – right?

Willingness

o    Willingness simply refers to how open you are to experiencing your own experience as

it happens – without trying to avoid it, escape it, or change it

o     It is allowing yourself to be ok with what you are feeling – because, really – what’s the alternative? First, there’s a saying: “if you are not willing to have it, you’ve got it”. Second, if you ARE willing to have a certain feeling, there’s less of a chance of you feeling bad about having this feeling (for example, getting mad at yourself for letting something get to you).

o     In fact, willingness may actually help you feel less overwhelmed, and lessen suffering because being unwilling to have our feelings, attempting to control and/or avoid them, can actually make us feel worse and increase our distress

o     Let me give you another analogy. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Well, what do you think you should do if you get caught in a riptide? (Let participants struggle with this one for a second, make a few guesses). Well, do you think you should try to swim out of it? Most people here will say yes. Well, actually, if you try to fight a riptide and try to swim out of it, you are going to drown – because you are basically remaining in the same place and wasting your energy. What you are actually supposed to do is swim into it, and let it carry you out beyond its reach. Well, feelings are like that – if you fight feelings, you will basically be remaining in the same place, but if you “swim into them” then time itself will carry out of them.

o        So, the take-home message for the entire lesson is “It is ok to FEEL your emotions – but it is not healthy to ACT on them”. Write this down on an index card and have patient carry this around. You can put this in your pocket to remind you to use willingness.

o        So, your homework will be to practice willingness as much as you can. Think about it this way – willingness is your hammer, and every situation is a nail. Record how you practice it and how successful you are on the practice sheet (show clients practice sheet).