Преодолел преграду, нашел решение, вышел из трудной ситуации – ты победитель, приобрел новый опыт, почувствовал себя сильнее.

Психологическая и конфликтологическая устойчивость

Психологическая и конфликтологическая устойчивость

Психологическая устойчивость
Конфликтологическая устойчивость
Компоненты конфликтоустойчивости личности

Психологическая устойчивость

Конфликт развивается в ситуации повышенной психической напряженности и сопровождается значительными эмоциональными затратами. В связи с этим конфликтологи отмечают важность такого понятия как психологическая устойчивость. Это характеристика личности, состоящая в оптимальном функционировании психики в трудных ситуациях, а конфликт – один из типов трудных ситуаций (см. схему «Влияние психологической устойчивости и профессионального мастерства на эффективность деятельности в трудных ситуациях»). Это свойство личности зависит:
- от типа нервной системы человека;
- от опыта человека, профессиональной подготовки, навыков и умений поведения и деятельности;
- от уровня развития основных познавательных структур личности.

Конфликтологическая устойчивость

А специфическое проявление психологической устойчивости – конфликтоустойчивость личности. Рассматривается как способность человека оптимально организовать свое поведение в трудных ситуациях социального взаимодействия, бесконфликтно решать проблемы в отношениях с другими людьми, а в конфликтной ситуации приходить к оптимальному разрешению конфликта.
Высокий уровень конфликтоустойчивости предполагает грамотные действия и поведение в конфликтных ситуациях, оптимизацию взаимодействия в конфликте, недопущение втягивания себя в эскалацию конфликта, сосредоточение усилий на конструктивных действиях.
Конфликтоустойчивость – необходимая характеристика личности руководящего работника.
Эффективность поведения в конфликтной ситуации толерантной личности значительно выше. Она отличается психологической устойчивостью (стрессоустойчивостью, конфликтоустойчивостью). По направленности толерантности можно выделить:
- внешнюю толерантность (к другим) – сформированное убеждение, позволяющее личности допускать наличие у других собственной позиции, способности рассматривать конфликтную ситуацию с различных точек зрения, учитывать различные аспекты и аргументы;
- внутренняя толерантность (внутренняя устойчивость) – способность сохранять равновесие в конфликтной ситуации, принимать решение и действовать в этих условиях.

Компоненты конфликтоустойчивости личности

Конфликтоустойчивость имеет свою структуру (см. схему «Структура конфликтоустойчивой личности»)
Эмоциональный компонент заключается в умении управлять своим эмоциональным состоянием в предконфликтных и конфликтных ситуациях, способности открыто выражать эмоции, не переходя в депрессивные состояния при затягивании и проигрыше в конфликте.
Волевой компонент – позволяет регулировать свое эмоциональное возбуждение в конфликтной ситуации. Он обеспечивает: толерантность, терпимость к чужому мнению, самоконтроль, умение дать объективную оценку конфликта, умение сводить к минимуму искажение восприятия.
Мотивационный компонент – обеспечивает адекватность побуждений в складывающейся ситуации.
Психомоторный компонент обеспечивает правильность поведения и действий, их четкость и соответствие ситуации. Заключается в умении владеть своим телом, управлять жестикуляцией и мимикой, контролировать свои позы, не допускать тремора рук, дрожания голоса.

Это долгий и трудный урок для любого человека – усвоить, что другие не могут ни отнять наше самоуважение, ни подарить нам его.

Forgiveness

While forgiveness is a noble act, expressing true forgiveness is empowering because it helps us to stop feeling like victims and to dispel our own suffering at having been wronged. Our levels of anger and hostility decreases while our capacity to love increases. We are better able to control our anger and we have an enhanced capacity to trust. We are freed from the control of past events, which can help us to stop repeating negative behavior. Both our physical and mental health improves. Though many people feel forgiveness is something that must be asked for or earned by another, forgiveness is actually a gift you give to yourself…..

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us. We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm. Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes: "If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace." There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful.

These are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness.

The more attention I give to my positive thoughts, the better I feel. When I find myself trapped in my analytical mind, I dismiss my thoughts, clear my mind, and relax. I accept thoughts for what they are. There is no need to turn them into more than what they really are or to take them too seriously.

Tomorrow will be better than today!

Being needy is usually the result of an insecure feeling, usually the fear of being alone or without a mate. This is a problem that should be fixed, because it may handicap you at every stage of a relationship. From first dates to life in couple, being needy will always put you at a disadvantage.

7 ПРАВИЛ, ПОМОГАЮЩИХ СТАТЬ СВОБОДНОЙ ЛИЧНОСТЬЮ.

1. Правило Зеркала. Окружающие меня люди - мои зеркала. Они отражают особенности моей собственной личности, часто не осознаваемые мною. Например, если кто-то мне хамит, значит, я так хочу, я это позволяю. Если кто-то снова и снова обманывает меня, значит, я склонен к тому, чтобы поверить любому. Так что обижаться не на кого.


2. Правило Выбора. Я осознаю, что все происходящее в моей жизни - есть результат моего собственного выбора. И если сегодня я общаюсь со скучным человеком, значит, я сам скучный и занудливый. Нет плохих и злых людей – есть несчастные. Если я разгребаю их проблемы, значит, мне это нравится. Так что не к кому предъявить претензии. Я сам причина всего, что происходит со мной. Автор и творец своей судьбы - я сам.

3. Правило Погрешности. Я согласен с тем, что могу ошибаться. Не всегда мое мнение или мои поступки другие люди должны считать правильными. Реальный мир не только черное и белое, есть еще светло-серое и темно-белое. Я не ИДЕАЛ, я просто хороший человек и имею право на ошибку. Главное – суметь признать её и вовремя исправить.

4. Правило Соответствия. Я имею ровно то, и ровно столько, чему я соответствую, чего заслуживаю, не больше, не меньше, касается ли это отношений с людьми, работы или денег. Если я не могу любить человека на полную катушку, смешно требовать, чтобы этот человек ТАК любил меня. Так что все мои претензии бессмысленны. И вместе с тем, когда я сам решаю измениться в лучшую сторону - меняются и окружающие меня люди (в лучшую сторону)!

5. Правило Зависимости. Мне никто ничего не должен. Я же способен и могу бескорыстно помочь всем, кому могу. И мне это в радость. Чтобы стать добрым, надо стать сильным. Чтобы стать сильным, надо поверить в то, что я всё могу. А я верю! Но надо и уметь говорить «НЕТ!»

6. Правило Присутствия - Я живу здесь и сейчас. Прошлого нет, потому что каждую следующую секунду наступает настоящее. Будущего нет, потому что его еще нет. Привязанность к прошлому приводит к депрессии, озабоченность будущим порождает тревогу. Пока я живу настоящим, я НАСТОЯЩИЙ. Есть повод порадоваться!

7. Правило Оптимизма. Пока мы ругаем жизнь, она проходит мимо. Глаза видят, ноги ходят, уши слышат, сердце работает, Душа радуется. (Могло быть и хуже...). Остальное зависит от меня!

1. никогда не оправдываться
2. никогда не жаловаться
3. никогда не хвастаться
4. никогда не обсуждать других
5. никогда не просить без крайней нужды
6. никогда не врать самому себе

По поводу первых пяти - попытайтесь хотя бы неделю делать это в своей обычной обстановке - на работе, дома, с друзьями. Проведите тренировку. Не верьте на слово и не отбрасывайте. И вам, надеюсь, станет ясно. В том числе и то, насколько это трудно.

Не врать самому себе - это, пожалуй, самое сложное. И так же потому, что это сложнее всего заметить.

И основной совет - всегда оставаться самим собой. Не подстраиваться под толпу, под лидера, под чьи-либо правила и понятия. Не стесняться признавать "Да, я такой". Жить своей жизнью, следовать своим целям. Для этого, правда, их надо иметь, но это уже другой вопрос. :))

Bullies

>>>>>The Silent Treatment Bully
These bullies are much more subtle than the bullies we discussed up to this point. But make no mistake, this kind of bullying is just as aggressive, denigrating, and harmful as the behavior of the Name-Calling Bully or the Rage Bully. It's silent, like a poisonous snake, and just as deadly! Silent Treatment Bullies attack and manipulate by withdrawing and shutting out their partners completely, leaving them alone and helpless, and feeling abandoned. The Silent Treatment Bully removes all power from the hands of the victim, forcing him or her to beg and plead for any kind of attention or communication, like a hostage jailed in complete emotional isolation.
Another awful side effect of this is that the bully's silence offers a blank slate onto which the victim will project all sorts of fears and anxieties, without any sense of how to address the problem, or even what the problem is: "Is she going to leave me?" "Is he having an affair?" "What's going on in her head?" "What on earth can I do to make this better?" "It's all my fault." This treatment is abandonment of the worst kind; the victims feel as though they have disappeared, that they don't exist.
My patient Barry, for example, went for weeks without receiving so much as a hug from his wife Carina, who was furious with him for quitting a job that he absolutely hated. Her way of punishing him, and trying to bully him into changing his mind, was to deny him any attention. She wouldn't talk to him, cast a glance in his direction, or acknowledge his presence in any way. When he came into a room, she would get up and leave. When he tried to speak to her, begging her to talk to him, she would turn coldly from him and refuse to speak. And when he got into bed with her at night, and reached to touch her shoulder, she would slap his hand, roll away to face the wall, and literally turn her back on him.
Of course he didn't change his mind about his job, but he did feel increasingly demoralized and miserable. Was Barry being bullied? You bet he was!

>>>>>The Control Freak Bully
These bullies are bossy tyrants. They're sure they know what's good for everyone else, and they persist in trying to make their victims into someone they're not. Whatever goals or pursuits the Control Freak Bully's partner might have for him or herself are completely irrelevant, they simply don't factor into the bully's vision of what, who and how the partner should be. This behavior is very different from that of the husband or wife who lovingly shares a need or asks their spouse to consider making a change for the benefit of the relationship. Control Freak Bullies are not interested in compromise, or in solutions that allow both partners to have their needs met, only in having their own needs met.
The Control Freak Bully's approach might be sweet and coaxing, or aggressive and nagging. The victim might get gentle suggestions and "constructive criticism," or angry orders and vicious critiques, or anything in between. Either way, this type of bullying will probably be nearly non-stop, and whether it's your cooking or your clothing, the work you do or the car you drive, the way you hold your fork or the way you make love, the bully's underlying message is always the same: "You're not good enough the way you are. Your way is wrong, and my way is right. You're broken, and I'm going to fix you." And all too often, the victims of the Control Freak Bully are inclined to agree with their tormenter, making excuses for the bullying behavior, telling themselves and others, "He just wants to help" or "She only wants what's best for me."

>>>>>The Sex Bully
These are the most primitive of all bullies, exerting power over their victims either by insisting on or withholding sex. A woman may refuse to have sex with her husband until he agrees to apologize for forgetting her mother's birthday. A man may force his girlfriend to perform sexual acts she doesn't like by threatening to go outside the relationship for his satisfaction. For Sex Bullies, sex--which should always and only be an act of love, intimacy, or pleasure--is used as currency, as leverage, as a weapon. This degrades and depersonalizes sexual intimacy within a relationship.

>>>>>The Score-Keeping Bully
These bullies are constantly bringing the past into the present, using missteps and perceived slights from last week or last year against their partners, penalizing them for past actions for which there is no current solution. The Score-Keeping Bully dredges up offenses, large or small, and throws them back in the victim's face. The time you forgot her birthday. The time you flirted with his friend. The time you stayed out too late without calling him. The time you were short on cash and she gave you a loan that it took you a few months to pay back.
Score-Keeping Bullies are grudge holders, who collect and hoard ammunition to be used against their partners as leverage in conflicts. The rallying cry of the Score-Keeping Bully is "Remember the time you…" And this sentence always finishes with some old error that the victim has apologized for (probably more than once) and thought had been dealt with and laid to rest. Or the sentence may be completed by some obscure but long-nursed grievance that the Score-Keeping Bully was just waiting for a chance to use.


>>>>>The Guilt Trip Bully
These bullies are so well-known, and often made fun of on TV and in movies, that descriptions of their behavior might make you laugh. There's the elderly parent who whines, "No, I don't need anything, I'm used to doing everything for myself since you kids moved away and left me alone in my old age." There's the friend who gives you the sweater you asked to borrow for your date, saying sadly, "I never have anywhere to wear it anyway. No one ever asks me out. And now that you're dating I'll probably never leave the house." And of course there's the bullying spouse who sighs, " I'll get my own dinner. Don't worry about me. I'm exhausted from working all day, but never mind," or "Sure, we can go to the party. You know I don't like going out on the weekends. But if it's more important for you to see your friends than spend time with me, that's fine," or "Oh, just go ahead and do whatever you want. You always do what you want, anyway." (The reality is that the Guilt Trip Bully's victims never do what they want, because they get bullied out of it.)
But however silly these examples may seem, the Guilt Trip Bully is no laughing matter. Just imagine how this strategy works when the stakes are higher: "When I married you I never thought you'd be the kind of woman who'd pursue a career instead of staying at home with her children. But I guess not everyone shares my priorities," or "If you're really so unhappy at that job you shouldn't worry about how quitting will affect your family. We'll manage somehow." Through steady pressure and coercion, these bullies manage to completely bulldoze their victims and get their own way. They also to make those victims feel they're hopelessly self-centered, that their every desire is selfish and unreasonable. This leads the victims to constantly doubt, second-guess, and undermine themselves.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!

80% проблем решаются сами по себе, а остальные 20% - не решаются совсем.
Так что не суетитесь

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

-- Steve Jobs.

I'm me and not you and that's all you need know

Psychological suffering is generally associated with a heightened degree of self-focused attention.

Morita held that we can no more control our thoughts than we can control the weather, as both are phenomena of most amazingly complex natural systems. And if we have no hope of controlling our emotions, we can hardly be held responsible any more than we can be held responsible for feeling hot or cold. We do, however, have complete dominion over our behavior, and for Morita, that is a sacred responsibility. "What needs doing now?" is like a mantra in his methods.

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.

~Shunryu Suzuki

чем хуже, тем лучше

Focusing on what you don't want has as much attracting power as focusing on what you do want. Because focusing on what you dislike and don't want keeps it ever so closer to you, whatever you don't want will keep showing up in your life. Whatever you don't like will keep re-appearing in your life.

We enjoy freedom only when we are able to still the mind and choose our thoughts. There is freedom, when we are able to decide which thought to think and which one to reject. We live in freedom, when we are able to stop the incessant flow of thoughts.

~Remez Sasson

Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us

There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE...Getting back up is LIVING .....

To get what we’ve never had, we must do what we’ve never done

It is important to become conscious and realize WHAT really frightens you. Is it something that even makes sense to you?

Advice To Husbands

Advice to Husbands

Although these are directed at Sikh husbands, for the most part, they can apply to both husband and wife.

1. Respect the opinion of your wife and show you are listening and value her suggestions.
2. Don’t be moody. Your tone and attitude matter sometimes more than the words.
3. Smile. You don’t need a reason, just smile.
4. Avoid anger and avoid speaking roughly or rudely.
5. Give surprises and gifts.
6. Love is broken with harsh words and strengthened by sweet ones.
7. Pay compliments to your wife. Express your appreciation to her.
8. Break the routine every once in a while.
10. Help in the house.
11. Pay attention in raising the children. It is your responsibility too.
12. Don’t leave the small problems unsolved or ignored. They will grow otherwise.
13. Eat meals together.
14. Keep her informed about your plans. Consult her on major decisions (personal and family). Do not surprise her on these matters
15. Don’t walk away and leave home during arguments. Try to resolve the issue before ending the day.
16. Do not resort to silence when unhappy.
17. Don’t dwell on past mistakes or fights. Forgive and forget.
18. Never threaten divorce or separation. Never say you regret having entered the marriage.
19. Don’t admonish and criticize your wife in public. Don’t tolerate or participate in her insult (joking or otherwise).
20. In front of her family and friends, show her respect and show you value her.
21. Don’t reveal your marriage’s or your wife’s secrets and private details to anyone.
24. Don’t be inflexible. Look for compromise.
25. Understand you are not always right. Be willing to apologize.
26. Physically be delicate with her. Do not be physically aggressive or imposing.
27. Respect your wife’s family and encourage her to do the same.
28. Show that you are interested in what she is interested in (hobbies, pass times, etc.)
29. Don’t seek marital advice openly. If you wish to have advice, take it only from someone you trust, and is capable of advising properly.
30. Show concern for her health and do not ever put it at risk.
31. Be there for her during difficult times and be sure she knows you are there to listen to her.
32. Share your own feelings with her regularly.
33. Be delicate when dealing with her weaknesses. Do not press the issue.
34. Have good intentions in your heart for your wife. Wish the best for her because her success is yours as well.
35. Speak politely and show courtesy to your wife. Open doors, help carry heavy objects, arrange for her to sit or rest when she is tired.
36. If your wife says or does something minor that you did not like, ignore it.
37. During pregnancy and during her menstruation period, be sure to be even more considerate and patient than usual.
38. Never try to impose upon her how great you are due to your education or job, etc. Do not belittle her level of education or job.
39. Don’t say or try to show that your earning income or bringing food is a favor to her. Recognize that only G-d is the giver.
40. Never betray your wife’s trust through words or deeds. All other women are mothers, sisters or daughters.
41. Don’t give her the opportunity to think that your love or regard for her is any less than her love and regard for you.

It's just too much to think about, at some point you need to let go

~JP

Golden Rules for Career Success - Richard Moran

* Business is made up of ambiguous victories and nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories.
* Keep track of what you do; someone is sure to ask.
* Be comfortable around senior managers, or learn to fake it.
* Never bring your boss a problem without some solution.
* You are getting paid to think, not to whine.
* Long hours don’t mean anything; results count, not effort.
* Write down ideas; they get lost, like good pens.
* Always arrive at work 30 minutes before your boss.
* Help other people network for jobs. You never know when your turn will come.
* Don’t take days off sick unless you are.
* Assume no one can / will keep a secret.
* Know when you do your best morning, night, under pressure, relaxed; schedule and prioritize your work accordingly.
* Treat everyone who works in the organization with respect and dignity, whether it be the cleaner or the managing director. Don’t ever be patronizing.
* Never appear stressed in front of a client, a customer or your boss. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: In the course of human events, how important is this?
* If you get the entrepreneurial urge, visit someone who has his own business. It may cure you.
* Acknowledging someone else’s contribution will repay you doubly.
* Career planning is an oxymoron. The most exciting opportunities tend to be unplanned.
* Always choose to do what you’ll remember ten years from now.
* The size of your office is not as important as the size of your pay cheque.
* Understand what finished work looks like and deliver your work only when it is finished.
* The person who spends all of his or her time is not hard-working; he or she is boring.
* Know how to write business letters including thank-you notes as well as proposals.
* Never confuse a memo with reality. Most memos from the top are political fantasy.
* Eliminate guilt. Don’t fiddle expenses, taxes or benefits, and don’t cheat colleagues.
* Reorganizations mean that someone will lose his or her job. Get on the committee that will make the recommendations.
* Job security does not exist.
* Always have an answer to the question, What would I do if I lost my job tomorrow
* Go to the company Christmas party. Don’t get drunk at the company Christmas party.
* Avoid working at weekends. Work longer during the week if you have to.
* The most successful people in business are interesting.
* Sometimes you’ll be on a winning streak and everything will click; take maximum advantage. When the opposite is true, hold steady and wait it out.
* Never in your life say, Its not my job
* Be loyal to your career, your interests and yourself.
* Understand the skills and abilities that set you apart. Use them whenever you have an opportunity.
* People remember the end of the project. As they say in boxing, always finish stronger than you start.

Ни на кого не гневайся и никогда не обижайся, будь терпелив и спокоен — всё пройдёт

So many things are happening so fast that we can no longer afford the luxury of reaction to circumstances. If we simply react to everything, our life is made up of nothing more than one big drama after another.

~Deb

Our minds can work for us or against us at any given moment. We can learn to accept and live with the natural psychological laws that govern us, understanding how to flow with life rather than struggle against it. We can return to our natural state of contentment.

~Richard Carlson

Never separate the life you live from the words you speak.

~Paul Wellstone

The Ingredients of a Happy Life

It wasn’t until about 25 years ago that I realized how simple it really is to be happy. Notice I didn’t say it’s always easy—although it often is that too!

What I have discovered is that virtually anyone, by learning about five simple concepts, can become much happier than ever before. I don’t mean happy “all time,” but most of the time for sure, and even when we lose our way, it’s pretty simple to guide ourselves back in the right direction.

Let me introduce five simple principles very briefly here and then I’ll speak a little bit about their applications in our daily lives.

1) The first principle is that of “thought.” In short, our ability to think creates our psychological experience of life and most importantly, thinking is a voluntary function. In other words, we produce the thoughts---we think them up! And, with no time in-between, we feel the effects of those thoughts. That’s why it’s so critical to be aware that you are the one producing and thinking your own thoughts.

If you ever tried to scare yourself with your own voice, you’d be out of luck. Why? Because, very simply, you’d always be one step ahead of yourself----you’d know it was you who was saying “boo.”! By becoming aware that we are the producers of our own thoughts, we can have a similar insight. We will always have thoughts to contend with, but once we realize that we create and produce them, it’s pretty hard to be freaked out by them.

Instead of bumming ourselves out or getting angry or scared, we simply say to ourselves, “Whoops, there I go again,” reminding yourself that you’re having what you might come to call a “thought attack.” If you have any type of thought and know it’s “just a thought,” and it’s stemming from inside of you, it’s easy to drop it, and bring yourself back to this precious moment.

2) The principle of moods is incredibly simple. When we’re in a “good” mood, life generally looks pretty good. But when we’re in a “bad” mood, the same life (and that’s the key)! The exact same life looks drastically different. All of a sudden the partner you were so in love with is problamic, the car you drive doesn’t look so good and your future looks less than promising.

But how can this be? While in a good mood, you’re totally in love, the car you drive is absolutely fine and your future looks great. I could give a hundred other examples, but I’m sure you get the point. Your life doesn’t change-----only your mood does. Knowing this changes everything. When you’re down, you feel it and you make allowances for it. You don’t take your own thinking very seriously at all.

Instead, it’s a waiting game. You wait until your mood returns to a better state and then you think about your problems. Same with other people. You begin to recognize when someone is in a low mood and when they are, you don’t take what they say and do very seriously. It’s really that simple. Everyone is subject to moods and when any of us are in a low mood we will say and do things we wouldn’t even consider while in a better frame of mind. Knowing this is a huge advantage. You learn to make allowances for others and their moods---and you get used to the expression, “But for the grace of God, go I.”

When you do suppose most people discuss their problems? While in a low mood of course, because that’s when life has a sense of urgency. But ironically, you can't solve a problem when your low because you have lost your wisdom, common sense and happiness. But when your mood rises, you’ll have your wisdom back and life will look good again! I used to tell couples about this trick all the time and, frequently, one of the partners’ would say to me, “But Richard, if we waited until our mood rose to discuss our problems, it wouldn’t seem like we had problems to discuss.” “That’s the point,” I would say.

3) The third principle is called Separate Psychological Realities. Essentially, this means that because we all think uniquely, we each live if a separate psychological reality. This one is easy to apply. All you have to do is expect, rather than be surprised or disappointed when someone disagrees with you or can’t see things your way. Of course they can’t!

4) Fourth is the principle of feelings. This is probably my favorite and is certainly the simplest. Essentially, all you have to do is pay attention to your feelings. Then, depending on what you are feeling, you use that information to guide you as to what to do. For example, if you’re angry, instead of “thinking” about why you’re angry, you use the angry feelings to remind yourself that you’re a little off base, because again, your goal is to be happy.

You must be thinking angry thoughts or you would be having different types of feelings. Your feelings, positive or negative, are not “bad,” they are simply information and they are foolproof in letting you know where you stand and what needs to be done.

5) The last principle is to live more of our life in the present moment. By using our feelings, we can tell when our mind is drifting away from this moment—which is so common in today’s world. But as you bring your attention back to just this moment, you’ll begin to feel the joy of each precious moment of life. When you’re bothered or irritated, it will usually be because you’re thinking about something that is already over or something that is yet to be.

Practice bringing your attention to the here and now and you’ll be one of the happiest people on earth! Life is a magical adventure when you are right here to enjoy it!
___________
Richard Carlson, PhD, was considered one of the world's foremost experts on happiness and stress reduction. As the author of thirty popular books, which have sold more than 26 million copies worldwide, including the #1 New York Times bestseller Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, he showed millions of people how to not let the small things get the best of them.

Чтобы смотреть на мир со своей колокольни, надо построить храм в душе.

Change is what happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. Today, push yourself to change, so the pain doesn't have to.

Benefits of Mindfulness

Non-Identification, Impermanence
• Viewing thoughts, feelings and sensations as passing events in our field of awareness, rather than over-identifying with them or becoming attached, repelled, or overwhelmed by them.
• Learning to experience thoughts, feelings and sensations as phenomena moving through our awareness, rather than experiencing them as "me," or the whole of my reality.
• Knowledge of impermanence allows greater tolerance for unpleasant internal states (e.g., letting feelings come and go like waves).
• Recognizing mental events as passing phenomena contained in our awareness (e.g., "just thoughts")
• Helpful metaphors: sky-like awareness, ocean (stillness beneath the waves), hub of a wheel.
Present-Moment Experience
• Brings us out of "automatic pilot" mode, allows us to make aware and conscious decisions about responding.
• Turning towards present reality gives us more choices, "degrees of freedom."
• Brings us into our immediate experience can help ground us, helps with rumination and panic.
• Reminds us of our aliveness, our vitality.
• Being centered in the present moment, we become more connected and engaged in our lives, and we may begin experiencing our daily activities and interactions as less mundane and more meaningful.
• Focusing on one thing at a time, rather than multi-tasking, reduces stress and can even improve our relationships.
• Becoming aware and grounded in the present moment allows us to fully engage in the richness of moment-to-moment experience.
• Each moment, each breath, is a chance to begin anew.
• We learn to handle things "one moment at a time." Being present with "just this breath" can be grounding and calming.
• Focuses attention on moment-to-moment experience, and away from ruminative cycles of thoughts that tend to bog us down in negative mood states and can contribute to anxiety and/or depression.
Turning Towards Experience
• Bearing with our experience, rather than trying to get rid of it.
• Different way of responding to inevitable unpleasant experiences in life.
• Through direct exposure, we learn that our emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations are not so overwhelming and frightening, and that they will eventually pass.
• Allows us to explore and tolerate a broad range of thoughts, emotions and sensations.
• Allows us to be present with our experience rather than avoiding or escaping, contracting or pushing away.
Expanded, Clear Perspective
• Learning to see clearly depends on the ability to dis-identify from automatic patterns and beliefs.
• Affords a different place from which to view the present moment.
• Fosters greater cognitive and behavioral flexibility and less automaticity.
• May help us observe values and choices and reflect on them with greater objectivity.
• Open, intentional awareness can help us choose behaviors that are congruent with our needs, interests and values.
• Helps us to develop acceptance and act with wisdom, intention and perspective rather than in a reactive or knee-jerk fashion.
• Trains the mind to be less reactive and more stable, helps develop patience and acceptance, and builds and deepens the mind's strength and concentration.
• Practicing "bare attention" and maintaining equanimity helps us gain balance and perspective regarding what is going on around and inside us. Slowing down and becoming aware, we see things more clearly.
Acceptance, Making Space
• Softening, allowing, opening
• Acceptance, not fighting against
• "Pain X Resistance = Suffering," "
• The "two arrows"
• "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
• It is not as much the pain itself, but our own reaction to it that causes our suffering
• "What we resist, persists"
• Cannot always change or control our external circumstances, but mindfulness can help us relate differently to life's "ups and downs."
• Different than approval or resignation; rather, involves acknowledging our present experience, because it is already here.
• We see that all "problems" come down to the same basic issue: wanting things to be different than they are. Mindfulness helps us to develop the awareness to be able to accept the things we cannot change and to take skillful action to change the things we can.
"Getting to Know Your Own Mind"
• Learning the workings of your mind
• Getting to know the mind's habits and the way it may be causing our suffering
• Recognizing "tapes in the mind"
• Provides a chance to look dispassionately at the reactions and habits of your own mind, at its fears and desires.
• Helps us see through our likes, dislikes, and opinions to experience things as they actually are.
• Helps cultivate compassion, because we recognize that we all have the same basic nature, and that the suffering we experience is, at its core, the same as that experienced by all beings, regardless of superficial differences.
"Being" Mode
• Time to sit quietly and "just be," rather than actively "doing," increases our sense of peacefulness and well-being.
• Gives us time to dwell in a state of deep relaxation
• "Being mode" is accepting and non-conceptual, in contrast to "thinking mode" and "doing mode."
• Trains the mind to be less reactive and more stable, helps develop patience and acceptance, and builds and deepens the mind's strength and concentration.
• Some problems cannot be "solved" through conceptual or analytical thought.

В жизни вам будет встречаться много грязи и каждый раз судьба будет посылать вам все новую и новую порцию. Всякий раз, когда упадет ком земли, встряхнитесь и поднимайтесь наверх. Каждая из возникающих проблем - это возможность стать выше. Если не останавливаться и не сдаваться, то можно выбраться из любого, даже самого глубокого колодца.

Чтобы быть счастливым, есть пять простых истин:
1. Освободи свое сердце от обид - ПРОСТИ...
2. Освободи свой разум от волнений - большинство из них не сбываются
3. Веди простую жизнь и цени то, что имеешь.
4. Отдавай больше.
5. Ожидай меньше.

Confidence Booster

January 22, 2011

Affirming our own worth and strengthening our perception of ourselves allows us to value our abilities. Our own fear of rejection or lack of belief in ourselves will often cause us to seek approval and validation from others. When we can affirm our abilities and accept ourselves, we create our own source of inner validation and we no longer feel the need to seek it elsewhere. This can help us interact with others in more positive, confident ways, and we inevitably enhance the quality of our connections. If you make a decision to validate yourself today, you will be able to give yourself the confidence boost that you need.

~DailyOM