TEN RULES FOR COPING WITH PANIC

TEN RULES FOR COPING WITH PANIC

http://www.panicsupport4u.com/coping.htm

Remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.

Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.

Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.

Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.

Wait and give the fear time to pass.

Notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.

Focus on coping with facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.

Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.

Think about the progress made so far, despite all the difficulties.

When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no hurry.

Each time you cope with panic,
you reduce your fear!

POSITIVE SELF-TALK

Choose a few of the statements below that appeal to you and practice saying them out loud to yourself. When you get anxious, use them to stop the "stinking thinking". Once you learn to trust these new thoughts, your brain will automatically replace the negative thought process with the more positive one. Remember that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit so don't give up!

Remind yourself gently but firmly that your negative thoughts are not helping you with your recovery and that you have chosen to move forward and think more positively.

GENERAL ANXIETY STATEMENTS

1. I'm going to be all right. My feelings are not always rational. I’m just going to relax, calm down, and everything will be all right.

2. Anxiety is not dangerous -- it’s just uncomfortable. I am fine. I’ll just continue with what I’m doing or find something more active to do.

3. Right now, I have some feelings I don’t like. They are really just phantoms, however, because they are disappearing. I will be fine.

4. Right now I have feelings I don’t like. They will be over with soon and I’ll be fine. For now, I am going to focus on doing something else around me.

5. That picture (image) in my head is not a healthy or rational picture. Instead, I’m going to focus on something healthy.

6. I’ve stopped my negative thoughts before and I’m going to do it again now. I am becoming better and better at deflecting these automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) and that makes me happy.

7. So I feel a little anxiety now, SO WHAT? It’s not like it’s the first time. I am going to take some nice deep breaths and keep on going. This will help me continue to get better."

STRESSFUL SITUATION STATEMENTS

1. I’ve done this before so I know I can do it again.

2. When this is over, I’ll be glad that I did it.

3. The feeling I have about this trip doesn’t make much sense. This anxiety is like a mirage in the desert. I’ll just continue to "walk" forward until I pass right through it.

4. This may seem hard now, but it will become easier and easier over time.

5. I think I have more control over these thoughts and feelings than I once imagined. I am very gently going to turn away from my old feelings and move in a new, better direction.

FEELING OVERWHELMED STATEMENTS

1. I can be anxious and still focus on the task at hand. As I focus on the task, my anxiety will go down.

2. Anxiety is a old habit pattern that my body responds to. I am going to calmly and nicely change this old habit. I feel a little bit of peace, despite my anxiety, and this peace is going to grow and grow. As my peace and security grow, then anxiety and panic will have to shrink.

3. At first, my anxiety was powerful and scary, but as time goes by it doesn’t have the hold on me that I once thought it had. I am moving forward gently and nicely all the time.

4. I don’t need to fight my feelings. I realize that these feelings won’t be allowed to stay around very much longer. I just accept my new feelings of peace, contentment, security, and confidence.

5. All these things that are happening to me seem overwhelming. But I’ve caught myself this time and I refuse to focus on these things. Instead, I’m going to talk slowly to myself, focus away from my problem, and continue with what I have to do. In this way, my anxiety will have to shrink away and disappear.

MEASURING YOUR PANIC LEVELS

0 CALM
Most relaxed you have ever felt.

1-2 AVERAGE WORKING STATE
This would be how a person with panic would feel on an average basis

3 TENSE DAY
Having a bad day but nothing we cannot handle.

4 QUITE A BIT OF ANXIETY
Usually physical symptoms- feelings of dizziness, or being out of breath, or other symptoms would begin here as adrenaline begins to release into the body.

5-6 ANXIETY FEELS UNMANAGEABLE
"What if" thoughts are escalating.

7 ANXIETY BUILDS TO PANIC
Feeding the panic spiral... "what if" thoughts are out of control.

8 ANXIETY FEELS OVERWHELMING
Desensitization. Feeling like you are going to pass out, faint, go crazy. All of the senses are out of whack. Adrenaline is pumping through the body at tremendous speed.

9-10 FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACK
Feeling incapacitated, need to retreat. Usually people give up and head back to safety zones. Cannot stand it one more minute- whole body shaking, dizzy and many other symptoms.

PANIC SYMPTOMS AND CAUSES
Fight the Fear with Knowledge

Heart Pounding	Heart speeding up to move blood and oxygen faster
Breathing Faster	Obtaining more oxygen for the muscles
Chest Pain	Chest muscles tightening
Rubbery legs	Blood supply building up in the legs decreased
Disassociation	Less oxygen and blood to the brain
Light Sensitivity	Pupils have opened for more acute vision
Sweating	Fight or flight reflex- body is harder to hold onto
Tingling in Mouth	Result of hyperventilation
Numbness in Hands	Diversion of blood to the muscles
Choking Sensation	Muscle tension
Shaking	Muscle tension
Vision Distortion	Effect of pupils opening wider

Coping Advice

First you have to get the  stop sign up..( visualize a stop sign ) to stop the fear thought process and then you have to look at the fear.. (write it down if you have to). You have to say to yourself is this a real fear, am I in any danger or is this an irrational thought that I am putting in my head. Once you decide what the fear is then you can do something to change it,, If you are in danger, what can you do to protect yourself..? If it is an irrational fear thought, what can you do to change how you are thinking and feel safe..?

We are the ones who are putting the fear thoughts in our head and we have 2 choices, to continue feeding them and let the anxiety grow or change how we are thinking.. to change how you are thinking you need to get distracted with other thoughts.. sometimes this takes doing something physical.. we have to use the tools that work for us.. and a tools is anything that will distract you mentally or physically.

We have to learn how to break things down.. once we can do that then we are not dealing with HUGE fears..and we can look at them for what they are.. irrational thoughts.. anticiapations,, what if's and nothing more.. nothing that is going to hurt us in anyway.

1. I am not in control. Quite the contrary..YOU are in control. You are the one who knows more about controlling panic than anyone and you know how to help yourself.

2. What if I panic and nobody is around? So what if you have that panic when nobody is around?? What can anyone do for you that YOU cannot do for yourself?? Can anyone else know what your panic feels like or can they abort the attack for you? NO, but YOU can do that.

3. Panic feels so bad and it might hurt me. The symptoms of panic feel bad but thats all and it wont last. The glands that produce the chemicals that cause panic DO shut off..the attack wont last and if you use the tools and good positive self talk YOU can abort it. Breathe deeply..no shallow breathing. The good oxygen alone will keep you from panic.

4. I cant manage to do things alone. You can do anything alone that you can do with others. THINK different about it..dont allow fear to stop you. YOU have the power over panic..nobody else. YOU have the power to abort it and breathe right thru it, relax and continue for you need nobody but yourself to achieve. Trust yourself to take care of you the way you take good care of others. YOU ARE SAFE WITH YOU..

5. What if I feel bad when driving? You are never trapped in any situation so dont create that trapped feeling thru stinkin thinkin. You can pull over, you can stop the car and take that break to relax. You can think positively and abort any feelings of anxiety for YOU are safe with you. You must just trust yourself enough to get out there and prove it. Whats the worst that could happen..a bit of panic and it can be aborted and brought down. Thats the worst and panic is not as big a deal as we have created it to be in our minds.

I think we all have entertained these mistaken beliefs so give yourself all positive affirmations and get out there and trust yourself. Know that YOU are in control and YOU can have the necessary power over panic to take your life back. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE..desensitise yourself every chance you get and your brain and body will reward you with "been there, done that..no need to panic". STOP.... BREATH...REGROUP YOUR THOUGHTS.. BREAK IT DOWN AND REFOCUS HOW YOU ARE THINKING.. PUT YOURSELF BACK IN CONTROL.. IF YOU CHANGE HOW YOU ARE THINKING YOUR ACTIONS WILL FOLLOW..

Rumination

• Worry and Rumination stem from EMS, which is remnant from the old way of thinking

• Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret, anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost. Rumination is often accompanied by excessively harsh criticism and the overwhelming belief that if things had only been different then existing and future misery could have been avoided. Rumination is obsessive in nature and causes a lot of distress because of feeling trapped.

• Worry and rumination are both rehearsals of how I will handle perceived threat in the future. This happens because of perceived inability handle potential perceived threat.  Note: There are high chances this threat will never happen

• Rumination and worry can be thought of as part of avoidance which is known to be part of both depression and anxiety. Rumination tend to involve withdrawal from others, reduced activity and taking less risk - all characteristics of major depression. Worrying can be an alternative to confronting the thing one is worried about.

• Once engagement in rumination has occurred, individuals' negative metacognitive beliefs about rumination are likely to be activated, seeing it as unpleasant (e.g., "Ruminating makes me physically ill"), uncontrollable (e.g., "Ruminating means I'm out of control"), and socially damaging. 

• Usually rumination is about past intimate relationships

• In order to "feel better / unstuck", mind needs to know that there is no gap between perceived ability to cope with the perceived threat and perceived threat itself. Mind needs to have some degree of certainty. For example, just the fact of understanding that the symptoms of the last week are rumination and that I successfully dealt with rumination before, immediately got rid of fear of fear, which was snowballing for the past week. 

• The content of rumination thoughts is irrelevant! There is nothing special about the target of rumination (Mira in this case). If the time is "right" strong cue will trigger rumination

• Ruminative thoughts should be faced ASAP, in order to avoid snowball effect. They will just grow bigger and scarier from day to day, producing vicious cycle of fear of fear, which ends up in dissociation and widening the "perceived control over perceived threat" gap

• From my experience, constant exposure to the rumination provoking cue, as opposing to feared situation or thought, is not a good idea, because it reinforces rumination. This is due to the fact that rumination is more obsessive and long-lasting in nature. Instead of "exposure", it makes sense to demystify rumination cue and thoughts.

• During ruminative states (especially the current one), I am very susceptible to guilt and shame. Since I am re-evaluating relationship with mom, feel guilty about that. More susceptible to Schema triggers, in general

• Learn to recognize rumination cues early. Usually, the main familiar cue is music (Hebrew songs, Tsoi).  Songs, which are strongly associated with past experiences. Especially intimate relationships

• Anxiety/fear activates the most primitive part of the brain, which is purely responsible for the survival. Thus, at that time, the intelligent part of the brain which is responsible for problem-solving is not accessible. That is why we need to use skillful means to access the intelligent part of the brain during anxiety/fear/panic attack. Think about anxiety/fear strictly on physiological level.

• Rumination intensifies and prolongs distressing emotional states. It reinforces feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anger, and if left unchecked, can sink into depression and withdrawal.

The 3 “Pitfalls” of Anxiety

The 3 “Pitfalls” of Anxiety 

Weekes noted that anxiety, or “nervous illness” (as she preferred to call it, due to her preference for less clinical terms) was cyclical in nature, consisting of 3 “pitfalls” that perpetuate it. These 3 pitfalls included “sensitization, “bewilderment,” and “fear.” 

1) Sensitization - general state of the anxiety sufferer, in which the sympathetic nervous system is highly active and responsive, resulting in persistent nervousness. 

2) Bewilderment - a state of confusion and distress due to the general nervousness caused by sensitization. 

3) Fear - result from the discomfort caused by the two preceding pitfalls, and eventually to be a reaction to the fear itself, forming a closed loop.

Healthy Worry. Worry is an anxious preoccupation with an anticipated negative event. Worry helps us adapt by directing attention to true problems that once identified can then be addressed. In this way worry is effective in managing the many, real challenges of life.

Unhealthy Worry. For some people the adaptive process of worry breaks down. Their worries no longer motivate effective problem solving and instead they become stuck in thinking about everything that could go wrong. They are plagued with thoughts and images of disastrous outcomes that in reality may never come to be.

Dwelling on the Past. While obsessive worry is focused on future outcomes, rumination is an uncontrolled preoccupation with the past. Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret, anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost. Rumination is often accompanied by excessively harsh criticism and the overwhelming belief that if things had only been different then existing and future misery could have been avoided.

 The Damage Done. Worry and rumination intensify and prolong distressing emotional states. Worry reinforces anxious feelings – you literally scare yourself – which, in turn, only leads to more worry. The process can extend into anxious periods lasting hours, days, weeks, even years, at times spiraling into panic attacks and emotional “spikes” of anger, guilt and shame. Rumination reinforces feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anger, and if left unchecked, can sink into depression and withdrawal.

http://cognitive-behavior-therapy.com/obsessive-worry-and-rumination-2/

Steps For Coping With Intrusive Thoughts

Steps for coping with Intrusive Thoughts

-Label these thoughts as "intrusive obsessive thoughts."
-Remind yourself that these thoughts are automatic and you can safely ignore them. They are misuse of your imagination
-Accept and allow the thoughts into your mind. Do not try to push them away.
-Breathe diaphragmatically until your anxiety starts to go down.
-Continue whatever you were doing prior to the intrusive thought.

Try Not To:
-Engage the thoughts in any way.
-Push the thoughts out of your mind.
-Try to figure out what your thoughts "mean."
-Convince yourself that you would never do what the thoughts are saying.
-Change your behavior so that you avoid the possibility of acting on your thoughts.

Try to:
-Label your anxiety level and watch it go up and down.
-Allow the thoughts to remain without hindrance. (They will go away on their own).
-Focus on managing your anxiety in the present. Diaphragmatic breathing is especially helpful.

This approach can be difficult to apply. But if you can keep applying it for just a few weeks, there is an excellent chance that you will begin to see a decrease in the number and intensity of your intrusive thoughts.

Истины об отношениях:
1. Ни один человек на вашем жизненном пути не встречен вами напрасно.
2. В отношениях вы получаете то же, что отдаёте.
3. Не надо бороться за место в жизни человека.
4. Все люди меняются и это нормально.
5. Над отношениями необходимо работать.
6. Нужно уметь прощать.
7. Вы не можете изменить другого человека.

Don’t Worry About Why You’re Anxious

The time for self-reflection, emotional excavation and analysis is later. When you feel better. When you’re wrestling with anxiety, it really doesn’t help to wonder from where that anxiety has sprung. Actual panic attacks are often a delayed response to stress, so the trigger may well have already passed. But, more often than not, anxiety is a very natural response to a whole mix of things that you can’t solve anyway. So, just accept that you’re anxious – don’t question it, don’t try to solve it and try not to resent it, just try to get through it.

Questions To Ask Yourself

1. Am I falling into a thinking trap (e.g., catastrophizing or overestimating danger)?

2. What is the evidence that this thought is true? What is the evidence that this thought is not true?

3. Have I confused a thought with a fact?

4. What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?

5. What would a friend say about my thought?

6. Am I 100% sure that ___________will happen?

7. How many times has __________happened before?

8. Is __________so important that my future depends on it?

9. What is the worst that could happen?

10. If it did happen, what can I do to cope with or handle it?

11. Is my judgment based on the way I feel instead of facts?

12. Am I confusing “possibility” with “certainty”? It may be possible, but is it likely?

13. Is this a hassle or a horror?

 “What am I thinking right now?”

 “What is making me feel anxious?”

 “What am I worried will happen?”

 “What bad thing do I expect to happen?”

Until you start getting BETTER results in a real context, you will be pushing (exerting effort) to achieve leaning. But, when faced with these better results, your brain will start pulling you into the new response. It will become desirable. You’ll like it, and want to do it. You’ll then own it. Mission accomplished.

All You Need To Know

http://www.amhc.org/1-anxiety-disorders/article/38474-psychological-explanations-of-anxiety-disorders

30 вещей, которые нужно прекратить с собой делать. Сохраните у себя на стене, чтобы не забыть!

1. Прекратите проводить время не с теми людьми. 
Жизнь слишком коротка, чтобы проводить ее с людьми, выжимающими из вас все соки. Если кто-то хочет, чтобы вы присутствовали в его жизни, он позаботится о вашем комфорте. Вам не придется бороться за место рядом с ним. Никогда не цепляйтесь за тех, кто постоянно нивелирует вашу ценность. И помните, что настоящие друзья — это не те, кто поддерживает вас, когда вы и так на коне, а те, кто остается рядом, когда дела ваши плохи.

2. Прекратите убегать от своих проблем.
Встречайте их лицом к лицу. Нет, это не будет легко. В мире нет существа, способного идеально держать удар. От нас не требуется моментально решить все проблемы. Мы просто иначе устроены. Норма для нас — огорчаться, испытывать боль, грустить, спотыкаться и падать. В этом и есть смысл жизни — сталкиваться с проблемами, учиться, адаптироваться и в конце концов решать их. Именно это и делает нас людьми.

3. Прекратите врать самим себе.
Вы можете делать это с кем угодно, но только не с собой. Наша жизнь может улучшиться лишь тогда, когда мы позволяем себе рисковать, и первый, самый нелегкий риск для нас — это быть честными с самими собой.

4. Прекратите отодвигать свои потребности на задний план.
Страшнее всего потерять себя, вкладывая слишком много в любовь к кому-то другому и забывая о собственной значимости. Нет, не оставляйте других, но помогите же и себе. Если существует подходящий момент, чтобы услышать себя и сделать то, что для вас действительно важно, то этот момент настал.

5. Не пытайтесь быть кем-то другим.
Одна из самых сложных задач в жизни — это быть самим собой в мире, который пытается сделать вас похожим на всех остальных. Кто-то всегда будет красивее, кто-то всегда будет умнее, а кто-то всегда будет моложе, но они никогда не будут вами. Не пытайтесь изменить себя на радость людям. Будьте собой, и те, кто вам действительно нужен, полюбят вас таким, как есть.

6. Прекратите держаться за прошлое.
Вы не сможете начать новую главу своей жизни, пока будете перечитывать предыдущую.

7. Прекратите бояться ошибок.
Делать что-то и ошибаться — как минимум в десять раз эффективнее, чем ничего не делать. Каждый успех несет следы былых неудач, и каждая неудача ведет к успеху. В конечном итоге вы гораздо больше будете жалеть о том, чего вы НЕ сделали, а не о том, что сделали.

8. Прекратите ругать себя за прошлые ошибки.
Мы можем любить не того человека и оплакивать свои ошибки, но даже если все идет не так, одно можно сказать точно: ошибки помогают нам находить правильных людей и правильные вещи. Мы все заблуждаемся, боремся и даже оплакиваем ошибки прошлого. Но вы не ваши ошибки, вы не ваша борьба, вы — здесь и сейчас — имеете возможность выстроить свой день и свое будущее. Что бы ни случилось в вашей жизни, это готовит вас к еще одному шагу в будущее.

9. Прекратите пытаться купить счастье.
Многое из того, что мы хотим, стоит дорого. Но правда заключается в том, что вещи, которые действительно делают нас счастливыми — любовь, смех и работа над своими чувствами — совершенно бесплатны.

10. Прекратите искать кого-то, чтобы стать счастливым.
Если вы недовольны собой, своей личностью, то и долгосрочные отношения с кем-то не сделают вас счастливее. Нужно создать стабильность в своей жизни, прежде чем делиться ей с кем-то еще.

11. Прекратите бездельничать.
Не раздумывайте слишком долго, иначе вы создадите проблемы даже там, где их не было. Оценивайте ситуацию — и предпринимайте решительные действия. Вы не сможете изменить то, чему отказываетесь сопротивляться. Любой прогресс сопряжен с риском. И здесь важна очередность. Вы не сможете читать, не узнав грамоты.

12. Прекратите думать, что вы не готовы.
Никто и никогда не чувствует себя готовым к чему бы то ни было на 100%. Большинство серьезных возможностей заставляют нас выйти за пределы нашей зоны комфорта, а значит, мы действительно будем испытывать неудобства.

13. Прекратите втягиваться в отношения по неправильным причинам. 
Отношения нужно строить с умом. Лучше быть одному, чем в плохой компании. Не нужно спешить с выбором. Если что-то должно произойти, оно случится — в нужное время, с нужным человеком, и на самых лучших основаниях. Погружайтесь в любовь, когда вы будете готовы, а не тогда, когда почувствуете себя одиноким.

14. Прекратите отказываться от новых отношений только потому, что старые не сложились.
У всех, кого бы вы ни встретили, есть свои цели. Кто-то будет проверять вас, кто-то — использовать, а некоторые будут учить вас. Но важнее всего, что некоторые из них выявят в вас самое лучшее.

15. Прекратите конкурировать со всеми.
Не переживайте, что другие в чем-то успешнее вас. Сконцентрируйтесь на достижении собственных ежедневных рекордов. Стремитесь к успеху в борьбе между ВАМИ и САМИМ СОБОЙ.

16. Прекратите завидовать.
Зависть — это искусство подсчета чужих благ вместо своих собственных. Спросите себя: «Что есть у меня из того, что каждый хочет?»

17. Прекратите жаловаться и жалеть себя.
Жизнь бросает игральные кости для того, чтобы переместить вас в каком-то важном направлении. Вы можете не видеть или не понимать всего происходящего, и это может быть болезненно. Но оглянитесь на те плохие расклады, что выпадали вам в прошлом. Вы увидите, что зачастую они приводили вас к успеху, важному человеку, состоянию души или ситуации. Улыбнитесь же! Пусть все знают, что сегодня вы намного сильнее, чем были вчера.

18. Прекратите растравлять обиды.
Не проживайте жизнь с ненавистью в сердце. В конечном итоге вы навредите себе больше, чем людям, которых ненавидите. Прощение не означает «меня устраивает все, что вы со мной сделали». Оно говорит: «Я не позволю тому, что вы со мной сделали, разрушить мое счастье навсегда». Прощение — это предложение отпустить, обрести покой и освободить себя. И помните, что прощать нужно не только других людей, но и самих себя. Если это необходимо, простите себя и двигайтесь дальше, чтобы попытаться в следующий раз справиться лучше.

19. Прекратите позволять другим низводить вас до их уровня.
Не нужно снижать планку, чтобы соответствовать тем, кто отказывается ее повышать.

20. Прекратите тратить время на объяснения.
Ваши друзья в них не нуждаются, а враги не поверят вам в любом случае. Просто поступайте так, как действительно считаете правильным.

21. Прекратите бегать по кругу.
Самое время сделать глубокий вдох приходит именно тогда, когда у вас нет на это времени. Пока вы продолжаете делать то, что делаете, вы будете получать то, что получаете. Иногда нужно дистанцироваться, чтобы увидеть все в истинном свете.

22. Прекратите пренебрегать мелочами.
Наслаждайтесь пустяками, поскольку в один прекрасный день вы можете оглянуться назад и обнаружить, что это были великие вещи. Лучшая часть вашей жизни состоит из незначительных безымянных моментов, потраченных на то, чтобы подарить улыбку человеку, который для вас действительно важен.

23. Прекратите попытки сделать все идеально.
Реальный мир вознаграждает не перфекционистов, а тех, кто стремится к достижению своей цели.

24. Прекратите идти по пути наименьшего сопротивления.
Жизнь не так проста, особенно если вы планируете достичь чего-то стоящего. Не выбирайте легкий путь. Сделайте что-нибудь экстраординарное.

25. Прекратите делать вид, что все в порядке, если это не так.
Ничего страшного, если вы расслабитесь на некоторое время. Вы не должны всегда быть сильным, и нет необходимости постоянно доказывать, что все идет хорошо. Не нужно переживать из-за того, что подумают другие — поплачьте, если это вам нужно: слезы целительны. Чем раньше вы это сделаете, тем быстрее сможете улыбаться.

26. Прекратите винить других в своих проблемах.
Достижение вашей мечты напрямую зависит от того, насколько вы берете ответственность за свою жизнь. Когда вы обвиняете других в том, что с вами происходит, вы отказываетесь от ответственности и даете другим власть над этой стороной вашей жизни.

27. Прекратите пытаться быть всем для всех.
Это невозможно, вы просто сожжете себя. Но если вы подарите радость одному человеку, это может изменить мир. Возможно, не весь мир, но его мир — точно. Поэтому сфокусируйтесь.

28. Прекратите слишком много беспокоиться.
Беспокойство не избавит нас от завтрашних трудностей, оно лишь избавит нас от сегодняшней радости. Один из способов проверить, стоит ли что-то обдумывания — это задать себе вопрос: «Будет ли это важно через год? Три года? Пять лет?» Если нет, то не стоит и беспокоиться.

29. Прекратите фокусироваться на вещах, которых вы не желаете.

Сосредоточьтесь на том, чего вы действительно хотите. Позитивное мышление — один из ключевых моментов каждого великого успеха. Если вы каждое утро просыпаетесь с мыслью, что в вашей жизни сегодня произойдет что-то прекрасное, рано или поздно вы заметите, что были правы.

30. Прекратите быть неблагодарным.
Независимо от того, насколько хороши или плохи ваши дела, просыпаясь, каждый день благодарите за свою жизнь. Кто-то где-то сейчас отчаянно борется за свою. Вместо мыслей о своих лишениях попробуйте думать о том, что у вас есть и чего другие лишились.

When a person vividly remembers something unpleasant (ex. summer of 1994 or 2004) the mind cannot tell if it’s real or not, and responds with fear as if it were real.

Panic comes and goes….return of symptoms is not a failure but an opportunity to use your skills. Making change is difficult and at times scary. Once you have learned the skills your ability to cope increases and your new behavior is more powerful…..stopping the panic cycle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MAIN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1) Trigger

-Overwhelmed for whatever reason (stress, schema triggered, weather etc)

Antidote:

-Getting overwhelmed is normal part of human experience

-Exercise

-Go for a walk

-Spend time with kids

-Get a hobby

-Go for a dinner with the wife

2) Worrying

-“What if..” thoughts

Antidote:

-Trust in your ability to handle problems as they come. “Cross the bridge when we get there”. You will never have all the information. There will be uncertainty

-Trust that decision, which you make are right.

-These are just old patterns creeping in. It will take time to re-wire

-Are there any known external vulnerabilities you got susceptible to (ex. hangover, stressful Monday, bad weather, season change). If yes, take that in consideration

-“What am I thinking now?”.

• Labeling emotion and thoughts as information to be considered helps create enough distance that actions are less impulsive

-Was Schema (subjugation / mistrust / enmeshment / approval-seeking etc triggered? If yes, attend to it

-Based on previous experience, do these thoughts represent a problem, based on facts and odds, or they are just ANTs?

-If these thoughts are ANTs, simply dismiss them.

• Avoid analysis-paralysis
• Do not get stock in inner conflict of dismissing thoughts constantly. Dismiss them one by one and take a break
• Use visualization. Leaves floating down the river.

-Use Dysfunctional Thoughts Record form. Do it all on paper, not in your mind. Set time aside.

-If these thoughts represent real problem, use problem solving skills to solve them. Problem solve on paper, not in your mind. After that dismiss these thoughts

• You don't have to solve all problems at once. Start with the most urgent one.

• Problem solving is fun

-Play Time Warp (will this be important a year from now?)

-“What I know?”, “What I don’t know?”, “What I can influence?”, “What I can’t control?”

1. Am I falling into a thinking trap (e.g., catastrophizing or overestimating danger)?

2. What is the evidence that this thought is true? What is the evidence that this thought is not true?

3. Have I confused a thought with a fact?

4. What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?

5. What would a friend say about my thought?

6. Am I 100% sure that ___________will happen?

7. How many times has __________happened before?

8. Is __________so important that my future depends on it?

9. What is the worst that could happen?

10. If it did happen, what can I do to cope with or handle it?

11. Is my judgment based on the way I feel instead of facts?

12. Am I confusing “possibility” with “certainty”? It may be possible, but is it likely?

13. Is this a hassle or a horror?

3) Anxiety/Rumination/Fear/Panic/Dissociation

-Non-stop somatic and cognitive sensations. Fear of fear

-Fear of somatic sensation.

-Ruminating about past

Antidote:

-Fully accept anxiety and tell yourself that it is harmless. It is a natural response to being “lost in thought” and overwhelmed

-EVERY scary thought that comes from panic is an absurd exaggeration, groundless and completely untrue.

-Exposure. Never avoid! However, do not overexpose. Use middle path between exposure and distraction. Distraction does not mean avoidance.

-Opposite Action

-Observe and Describe.

-Create space between you and anxiety. Take it out of your body and observe from the outside.

-Tolerate somatic and cognitive symptoms

-Avoid self-checking in the morning
-Mindfulness in the morning. One-mindfully

-Slow down

-Use Worry Period

- Racing thoughts are like ticker tape displaying all stocks. Do not attend to these thoughts until the end of the day, when ticker tape stops. When ticker tape is ticking, write thoughts down. When ticker tape stops use Antidote for Worrying (2)

3b) Uncued Anxiety(Free-floating)/Emptiness/Boredom

-Feeling of impending doom (with or without anxiety symptoms)

-Flat and empty

-Dissociated

Antidote:

-Are there any known external vulnerabilities you got susceptible to (ex. hangover, stressful Monday, bad weather, season change). If yes, take that in consideration

-Ground yourself in the present moment (count backwards, name objects, state your name, where you live, current year etc.)

-Name what you are doing now and where you are doing it

-The goal is to diffuse dissociation

Where am I? Response is: 'Here'

What Time is it? Response is: 'Now'

Who am I? Response is: 'This Moment'

Now answer questions below.

 “What am I thinking right now?”

 “What is making me feel anxious?”

 “What am I worried will happen?”

 “What bad thing do I expect to happen?”

-After cause of anxiety is identified use Antidote for Worrying (2)

4) Exhaustion and Demoralization

-In the well

-Frantically trying to find solutions.

-Dissociation all day.

 -Lost in thought and worries.

-Constant inner conflict.

-Bad sleep

-Cold sweat

-Unable to use skills

Antidote:

-Setbacks are expected and big part of transformation

-I’ve been here many times before and got out of it without anyone else’s help.

-Stop all problem solving.

-Stop all thought dismissing

-No inner conflict.

-Do nothing

-Distract (games, music, exercise, and walk)

-Push Away

-Self-Sooth

-Build on positive

-Increase benzos if necessary

-Don't take yourself too seriously
-Gently get your mind off yourself

-Squeeze ice

-Take cold shower

When faced with a new situation the mind looks for similar examples in the past that can be used to provide a template for how to deal with this new situation. Where there is no previous favorable situation or learning experience to call upon, the mind has to fill a void. All too often the mind responds by reacting to the situation as if it were an actual danger and triggers what we call the fight or flight response.

Challenging Anxious Thoughts

 “What am I thinking right now?”

 “What is making me feel anxious?”

 “What am I worried will happen?”

 “What bad thing do I expect to happen?”

1. Am I falling into a thinking trap (e.g., catastrophizing or overestimating danger)?

2. What is the evidence that this thought is true? What is the evidence that this thought is not true?

3. Have I confused a thought with a fact?

4. What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?

5. What would a friend say about my thought?

6. Am I 100% sure that ___________will happen?

7. How many times has __________happened before?

8. Is __________so important that my future depends on it?

9. What is the worst that could happen?

10. If it did happen, what can I do to cope with or handle it?

11. Is my judgment based on the way I feel instead of facts?

12. Am I confusing “possibility” with “certainty”? It may be possible, but is it likely?

13. Is this a hassle or a horror?

FEARLESSNESS

UNDESIRED OUTCOMES AND THEIR TRUE EFFECT

However, the major fear that most of us spend a lot of energy on and create unhappiness about is fear that we will not be able to stand a particular outcome and especially not be able to handle it well.   See Undesired Outcomes in life.

Essentially, we are creating our world based on fear of feeling fear, which, if we use our higher brain, we can see has no useful purpose.  In essence, as in Buddhism, we receive a "dart" (something that happens that penetrates us) and then we add a needlesss "second dart" to create unnecessary suffering that does not contribute to our survival nor our happiness!!!!

EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY OF THOSE BELIEFS

However, note that you have handled "bad" outcomes before and you've survived.

In fact, if you observe objectively, you've survived lots and lots of so-called "bad" outcomes, which means that, from a higher perspective, those "bad" outcomes caused no noticeable damage in an actual sense.  You only thought they did or would.  You came out just fine. 

There was no or little physical damage.  The only "real" damage is that which is "out there" in the real world, in reality.  There is no damage to yourself if there is no physical damage.  Any emotional pain, beyond physical pain's effects, you created yourself in a "make-believe" world, which is by definition an illusion that was not real and was not necessary.  Learning not to create those illusions and to not create emotional pain from those illusions is the key process on the road to happiness and a great life.  It must absolutely be done!   

THIS, TOO, SHALL SOON PASS

You can, in fact, stand those unpleasant times [though most of the really bad ones are ones you worsened by your thinking] - and note that they all soon pass.  But, until you fix that fact clearly in mind, the vague threat will still inappropriately be signaled by the dumber brains.

THE ACTUAL CAUSE OF THE "PAIN"

Often the anticipation of the outcome causes more pain than the outcome.  In some cases the pain was quite substantial, but in very, very, very, very few circumstances compared to the total. 

[Note that I am talking about the pain itself, such as loss or a physical hurt, and not about what one often adds to that, in effect making an initial something into a horrible thing that shouldn't have happened and creating a "poor me" out of it.  This is what is called stupidly but voluntarily adding suffering.  Of course, you don't think it is voluntary, but you actually do have a choice about it and you chose the option that had you suffer, for whatever convoluted reason.]

It is the non-acceptance of the fact that we will have some pain and/or undesired outcomes that causes more suffering.  If we simply say "well, that is the outcome and I don't like it but I do accept that that is what actually exists, so now what can I do about it?", then the pain is less and definitely is not added to!  (See the "breakthrough process", under Life Management, Problem-Solving, Problem/GoalSetting/Breakthrough Form.) 

RESISTING CREATES AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF DAMAGING PAIN

If we simply accept what is so, then the pain of resistance and wanting things to be other than they are no longer is created.  Note, of course, that what already is cannot be other than what already is.  Wishing it were otherwise doesn't change what is.  Resisting it doesn't change what is and it only creates unhelpful emotional pain (and tension!).  These are what one might call "fruitless victim behavior".  See the article in the Suffering and Struggle section:  My Enlightenment Experience Being Sick In India, Gratitude And Non-Suffering.

THE FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HANDLE THE OUTCOME

We suffer over and over again by re-creating the fear that we will not be able to handle the outcome (in addition to misestimating the impact of the outcome).

We would, of course, not suffer in fear of not being able to handle the outcome if in fact we knew that we could rely on ourselves to do the best we can about what occurred (and/or will occur) at the time and then accept the consequences, to which we would adapt to with confidence. 

Part of having that confidence comes from committing to and knowing one can create (choose) happiness no matter what. 

The odd thing is that our anticipation of our not being able to respond at all well to the outcome is almost always an exaggeration, as we actually do better than we anticipate.  We simply need to know this, as that perception will help to at least "lessen" the exaggeration and thus lessen the fear.

Note that to be able to choose (virtual) fearlessness, one must choose to be a total non-victim.  Being or feeling like a victim is the #1 source behind most of our unhappiness. (Read, under Relationships, Communication, Criticism/Blame/Complaining/Victim, the Victim section, especially Where Are You On The Victim Vs. Cause Scale? .)

Bon voyage, to a new life of (virtual) fearlessness and the choice to be happy no matter what.