FEARLESSNESS

UNDESIRED OUTCOMES AND THEIR TRUE EFFECT

However, the major fear that most of us spend a lot of energy on and create unhappiness about is fear that we will not be able to stand a particular outcome and especially not be able to handle it well.   See Undesired Outcomes in life.

Essentially, we are creating our world based on fear of feeling fear, which, if we use our higher brain, we can see has no useful purpose.  In essence, as in Buddhism, we receive a "dart" (something that happens that penetrates us) and then we add a needlesss "second dart" to create unnecessary suffering that does not contribute to our survival nor our happiness!!!!

EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY OF THOSE BELIEFS

However, note that you have handled "bad" outcomes before and you've survived.

In fact, if you observe objectively, you've survived lots and lots of so-called "bad" outcomes, which means that, from a higher perspective, those "bad" outcomes caused no noticeable damage in an actual sense.  You only thought they did or would.  You came out just fine. 

There was no or little physical damage.  The only "real" damage is that which is "out there" in the real world, in reality.  There is no damage to yourself if there is no physical damage.  Any emotional pain, beyond physical pain's effects, you created yourself in a "make-believe" world, which is by definition an illusion that was not real and was not necessary.  Learning not to create those illusions and to not create emotional pain from those illusions is the key process on the road to happiness and a great life.  It must absolutely be done!   

THIS, TOO, SHALL SOON PASS

You can, in fact, stand those unpleasant times [though most of the really bad ones are ones you worsened by your thinking] - and note that they all soon pass.  But, until you fix that fact clearly in mind, the vague threat will still inappropriately be signaled by the dumber brains.

THE ACTUAL CAUSE OF THE "PAIN"

Often the anticipation of the outcome causes more pain than the outcome.  In some cases the pain was quite substantial, but in very, very, very, very few circumstances compared to the total. 

[Note that I am talking about the pain itself, such as loss or a physical hurt, and not about what one often adds to that, in effect making an initial something into a horrible thing that shouldn't have happened and creating a "poor me" out of it.  This is what is called stupidly but voluntarily adding suffering.  Of course, you don't think it is voluntary, but you actually do have a choice about it and you chose the option that had you suffer, for whatever convoluted reason.]

It is the non-acceptance of the fact that we will have some pain and/or undesired outcomes that causes more suffering.  If we simply say "well, that is the outcome and I don't like it but I do accept that that is what actually exists, so now what can I do about it?", then the pain is less and definitely is not added to!  (See the "breakthrough process", under Life Management, Problem-Solving, Problem/GoalSetting/Breakthrough Form.) 

RESISTING CREATES AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF DAMAGING PAIN

If we simply accept what is so, then the pain of resistance and wanting things to be other than they are no longer is created.  Note, of course, that what already is cannot be other than what already is.  Wishing it were otherwise doesn't change what is.  Resisting it doesn't change what is and it only creates unhelpful emotional pain (and tension!).  These are what one might call "fruitless victim behavior".  See the article in the Suffering and Struggle section:  My Enlightenment Experience Being Sick In India, Gratitude And Non-Suffering.

THE FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HANDLE THE OUTCOME

We suffer over and over again by re-creating the fear that we will not be able to handle the outcome (in addition to misestimating the impact of the outcome).

We would, of course, not suffer in fear of not being able to handle the outcome if in fact we knew that we could rely on ourselves to do the best we can about what occurred (and/or will occur) at the time and then accept the consequences, to which we would adapt to with confidence. 

Part of having that confidence comes from committing to and knowing one can create (choose) happiness no matter what. 

The odd thing is that our anticipation of our not being able to respond at all well to the outcome is almost always an exaggeration, as we actually do better than we anticipate.  We simply need to know this, as that perception will help to at least "lessen" the exaggeration and thus lessen the fear.

Note that to be able to choose (virtual) fearlessness, one must choose to be a total non-victim.  Being or feeling like a victim is the #1 source behind most of our unhappiness. (Read, under Relationships, Communication, Criticism/Blame/Complaining/Victim, the Victim section, especially Where Are You On The Victim Vs. Cause Scale? .)

Bon voyage, to a new life of (virtual) fearlessness and the choice to be happy no matter what.