Rumination

• Worry and Rumination stem from EMS, which is remnant from the old way of thinking

• Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret, anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost. Rumination is often accompanied by excessively harsh criticism and the overwhelming belief that if things had only been different then existing and future misery could have been avoided. Rumination is obsessive in nature and causes a lot of distress because of feeling trapped.

• Worry and rumination are both rehearsals of how I will handle perceived threat in the future. This happens because of perceived inability handle potential perceived threat.  Note: There are high chances this threat will never happen

• Rumination and worry can be thought of as part of avoidance which is known to be part of both depression and anxiety. Rumination tend to involve withdrawal from others, reduced activity and taking less risk - all characteristics of major depression. Worrying can be an alternative to confronting the thing one is worried about.

• Once engagement in rumination has occurred, individuals' negative metacognitive beliefs about rumination are likely to be activated, seeing it as unpleasant (e.g., "Ruminating makes me physically ill"), uncontrollable (e.g., "Ruminating means I'm out of control"), and socially damaging. 

• Usually rumination is about past intimate relationships

• In order to "feel better / unstuck", mind needs to know that there is no gap between perceived ability to cope with the perceived threat and perceived threat itself. Mind needs to have some degree of certainty. For example, just the fact of understanding that the symptoms of the last week are rumination and that I successfully dealt with rumination before, immediately got rid of fear of fear, which was snowballing for the past week. 

• The content of rumination thoughts is irrelevant! There is nothing special about the target of rumination (Mira in this case). If the time is "right" strong cue will trigger rumination

• Ruminative thoughts should be faced ASAP, in order to avoid snowball effect. They will just grow bigger and scarier from day to day, producing vicious cycle of fear of fear, which ends up in dissociation and widening the "perceived control over perceived threat" gap

• From my experience, constant exposure to the rumination provoking cue, as opposing to feared situation or thought, is not a good idea, because it reinforces rumination. This is due to the fact that rumination is more obsessive and long-lasting in nature. Instead of "exposure", it makes sense to demystify rumination cue and thoughts.

• During ruminative states (especially the current one), I am very susceptible to guilt and shame. Since I am re-evaluating relationship with mom, feel guilty about that. More susceptible to Schema triggers, in general

• Learn to recognize rumination cues early. Usually, the main familiar cue is music (Hebrew songs, Tsoi).  Songs, which are strongly associated with past experiences. Especially intimate relationships

• Anxiety/fear activates the most primitive part of the brain, which is purely responsible for the survival. Thus, at that time, the intelligent part of the brain which is responsible for problem-solving is not accessible. That is why we need to use skillful means to access the intelligent part of the brain during anxiety/fear/panic attack. Think about anxiety/fear strictly on physiological level.

• Rumination intensifies and prolongs distressing emotional states. It reinforces feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anger, and if left unchecked, can sink into depression and withdrawal.