Scales

Imagine there are two scales, like the volume knobs on a stereo. One is right out here in front of us and it is called "Anxiety" (Use labels that fit the client's situation such as "Anger, guilt, urges, worry," etc. It may also help to move ones hand as if it is moving up and down a numerical scale). It can go from 0 to 10. In the posture you're in, what brought you in here was this: "This anxiety is too high." In other words you have been trying to pull the pointer down on this scale (the therapist can use the other hand to pull down unsuccessfully on the anxiety hand). But now there's also another scale. It's been hidden. It is hard to see. This other scale can also go from 0 to 10 (move the other hand up and down behind your head so you can't see it). What we have been doing is gradually preparing the way so that we can see this other scale. We've been bringing it around to look at it (move the other hand around in front). It is really the more important of the two, because it is this one that makes the difference and it is the only one that you can control. This second scale is called "Willingness." It refers to how open you are to experiencing your own experience when you experience it--without trying to manipulate it, avoid it, escape it, change it, and so on. When Anxiety (or whatever fit to the client) is up here at 10, and you're trying hard to control this anxiety, make it go down, make it go away, then you're unwilling to feel this anxiety. In other words, the Willingness scale is down at 0. But that is a terrible combination. It's like a ratchet or something. When anxiety is high and willingness is low, the ratchet is on and anxiety can't go down. That's because if you are really, really unwilling to have anxiety then anxiety is something to be anxious about. It's as if when anxiety is high, and willingness drops down, the anxiety kind of locks into place. So, what we need to do in this therapy is shift our focus from the anxiety scale to the willingness scale. You've been trying to control anxiety for a long time, and it just doesn't work. It's not that you weren't clever enough; it simply doesn't work. Instead of working on the anxiety scale, we will turn our focus to the willingness scale. Unlike the anxiety scale, which you can't move around at will, the willingness scale is something you can set anywhere. It is not a reaction--not a feeling or a thought--it is a choice. You've had it set low. You came in here with it set low--in fact coming in here at all may initially have been a reflection of its low setting. What we need to do is get it set high. If you do this, I can guarantee that if you stop trying to control anxiety, your anxiety will be low ...[pause] or ... it will be high. I promise you! And when it is low, it will be low, until it's not low and then it will be high. And when it is high it will be high until it isn't high anymore. Then it will be low again. ... I'm not teasing you. There just aren't good words for what it is like to have the willingness scale set high.