Here are 8 ways to deal with conflict avoidance

      Ask yourself: what is the absolute worst that can happen if I confront this person or situation? Can I deal with those consequences, even if they get mad or reject me?

      Try to sift through what’s rational and what’s irrational when considering approaching your conflict. See what your mind is telling you, and see what your fear may be generating that could be irrational.

      Try approaching a small conflict first, then build up to larger ones. Acclimate yourself to what it’s like to deal with conflict on a small scale before you move on.

      Use “I” language when confronting the person or conflict: “You know, I’m having a problem, and need to talk…” or “I’m feeling uncomfortable or upset about something that you did (or said) to me last week, and I’d like to talk through it.” Don’t blame the other person, or pin it on them, to maximize your chances of success.

      Be clear on what you want: you’re going to have so much more success if you know what you want, and clearly express that to the person you’re talking to. Not knowing, or not being clear, feeds insecurity or fear, which might help make you avoid the conflict.

      Remember that people’s feelings are their own! You’re not responsible for their feelings or their reactions. If they indeed get upset with you, that’s theirs and theirs alone. You’re responsible for your stuff, and not other peoples. You don’t need to caretake other people’s feelings and let that prevent you from dealing with a conflict. Don’t give others the power over you, and move forward. You can be considerate of their feelings, just not responsible for them.

   

      Look at how you may have learned how to avoid conflict growing up in your family. Did you learn it from an avoidant parent? Was conflict avoided in your family as a child? Challenge some of these family messages you may have picked up, and make conscious changes to turn this unconscious pattern around in your own life.

      Be proud of yourself when you successfully confront a conflict situation or person. Identify the guilt or regret your mind may be producing, and let it go.

If you respect yourself, and deal with your conflict, other people will respect you, too. They may not always agree or like what you’re saying, but you’ll be confident enough and have the right tools to be a pro in dealing with conflict.

Conflict is not easy to deal with, but it’s inevitable in life. No two people are perfectly synched so that they agree on everything all the time. Dealing with conflict is often times a lot less scary once you’re actually doing it; the fear comes from easing up to it in your mind. Take the risk, and you’ll be glad that you did.