Conflict

It strikes me that you may actually love conflict, just a different sort than you mention. Hasn't your habit of avoidance and capitulation caused a conflict within yourself? Aren't you at conflict with the world (as it really is, not how you hope it is) and yourself by trying to avoid conflict? Who created this inner conflict? You did, with your actions and beliefs! This might seem perverse to you, you might respond by saying that conflict is only painful when it is between you and other people, but this conflict within yourself causes you suffering. You suffer with outer conflict and you suffer with inner conflict. By getting along with other people, you aren't getting along with yourself. Try to love yourself so that you realize you are currently depriving the world of your opinions, spirit and light.

In music, the same note twice isn't called harmony, it's called unison. Harmony is two different notes existing together, merging their frequencies to make something new. You exist, your "frequencies" exist, but by hiding your light under a bushel, you are striving for unison, not harmony.