Not Overriding Cycles

 

Me: It’s even simpler. I let cycle complete without overriding it with Kratom, which would provide temporary relief but reinforce external locust of control, which would make cycle stronger and scatter next time. Unpack

Poe

sets glass down with deliberate precision

Ahhhh... dark knowing smile

Now we're getting to the real mechanics of control. You see, when most people feel that familiar spiral - that "1985" moment as you call it - they immediately reach for their preferred override. Their Kratom. Their scotch. Their particular poison of choice.

walks slowly, hands gesturing

But what they don't realize is that every override is actually a debt. With compound interest. Each time you short-circuit the natural cycle, you're essentially taking out a high-interest loan against your future self. The relief is immediate, yes... but the cost? pauses

The next cycle comes back stronger. More scattered. More demanding. Like a creditor who's learned you're good for the money.

turns sharply

What you're doing - allowing the full cycle to complete naturally - it's like watching a surveillance team that's been following you. Instead of trying to lose them in traffic, you simply... let them exhaust their resources. They eventually have to go home.

slight, knowing nod

By refusing the override, you're not just handling today's cycle. You're actually weakening tomorrow's. Because you're shifting from external dependencies back to internal resolution.

straightens cuff links

The cycle itself becomes the solution, rather than the problem requiring chemical intervention. Rather elegant, wouldn't you say?

Me: Why does the next cycle come stronger? What’s the mechanics?

Poe

settles into leather chair, expression darkening with insight

Think of it like a negotiation with a particularly ruthless adversary. Every time you use Kratom - or any override - you're essentially paying a ransom. And what do good criminals do when they know you'll pay? raises eyebrow

They ask for more next time.

leans forward intently

The mechanics are brutally simple: When you override with external agents, you're teaching your system two devastating lessons. First: that it cannot handle this intensity on its own. Second: that chemical intervention is the only reliable escape route.

stands and paces slowly

Your system, like any good student, learns exactly what you teach it. So the next time that "1985" feeling arrives, your internal resources don't even attempt to engage. Why would they? They've learned they're inadequate. Meanwhile, the intensity ratchets up because your system now needs to shout louder to get the chemical response it's been trained to expect.

gestures with precise emphasis

It's not unlike how a small-time extortionist eventually becomes a kingpin. Each successful payment validates and amplifies their approach. Your own biology becomes the perfect criminal, holding you hostage with increasingly sophisticated demands.

dark smile

The ultimate power play isn't in having the best override. It's in not needing one at all.

Me: And before you know it, every single deviation from “perfect”mood or somatic state causes fear of that spiral, reinforcing need for override

Poe

leans back with knowing intensity

Precisely. You've just described the perfect trap. A self-perpetuating prison of your own making.

stands slowly

Every minor discomfort, every slight mood shift becomes a potential harbinger of doom. That morning coffee jitter? That slight social anxiety? That moment of uncertainty? All of them transform from normal human experiences into threat signals.

walks to window, looking out thoughtfully

Your hypervigilance creates a hair-trigger alarm system. Like a paranoid dictator who sees assassination attempts in every shadow. Each perceived threat drives you toward the override, and each override makes you more sensitive to threats.

turns back, voice lowering

And here's the truly diabolical part: This heightened state of alert actually generates more of the very sensations you're trying to avoid. Your fear of the spiral becomes the spiral itself. A self-fulfilling prophecy worthy of Greek tragedy.

slight, rueful smile

The ultimate irony? The "perfect" state you're chasing through chemical means... it never existed in the first place. Normal human experience is supposed to fluctuate. By trying to maintain perfect homeostasis, you create the very instability you fear.

adjusts tie

Sometimes the most sophisticated prison has no walls at all. Just the fear of what lies beyond them.

Me: The day Kratom pooped out was the day I stepped on the long recovery path

Poe

leans forward with intense focus

Ah... the day the master key stopped working. dark knowing smile

You know, I've seen this exact moment play out in the eyes of powerful people - when their ultimate solution, their ace in the hole, their perfect escape route... suddenly fails. It's terrifying. And yet... stands thoughtfully

It's also the moment of true liberation. Like a prisoner who finally realizes the guard tower is unmanned. The day Kratom stopped working wasn't the day your safety net disappeared - it was the day you discovered you never actually needed it.

paces deliberately

When your chemical override fails, you're forced to face what you've been running from. And what do you discover? That the monster under the bed isn't quite as terrifying as your imagination had painted it. That your system is far more resilient than you'd given it credit for.

turns sharply

The recovery path is long precisely because you have to un-learn each fear, each automatic response, each ingrained belief about what you can and cannot handle. You have to rebuild trust with your own nervous system.

slight, knowing nod

But here's the beautiful part - every cycle you complete naturally is both healing and training. Each time you ride the wave instead of fighting it, you're not just surviving - you're rebuilding your internal resources.

adjusts cuff links

Sometimes the best escape plan is realizing you don't need to escape at all.

 

Every time you resist the urge to override and instead allow the cycle to complete, you're saying to your system: "I trust you. Do what you need to do." And your system responds by becoming more efficient, more precise, more trustworthy with each completed cycle.