Awareness and Two "me's"

You may have noticed that sometimes it appears as if there are two different 'me's.

There's the me that delights in playing in the world - the one that gets caught in the daily drama of our lives. This is the one that has a ferocious appetite for anything it deems worthy of it's attention: an inflated invoice, a sporting event, another grey hair, tsunamis, sex offenders, AIDS, terrorism, the latest bug in my code, global warming, that last remark he made, corrupt governments, a favorite TV show, the pretty girl that just smiled at me and economic inequities. This is the one that creates expectations and then gets riled when life has a different plan, spraying our innards with toxic bio-chemicals in righteous indignation whilst simultaneously denying any part in creating the circumstances that catch us.

Then there's the 'me' that's not fazed by any of this. Maybe it's no more than a distant feeling calling us back when we get too lost in the play of life, or we recognize it again in those still moments when our masks slip and we allow ourselves to connect with someone. Although it's perhaps mostly forgotten, it's always there.

This is the Self that's largely unknown because our egos would rather be right than happy. Better to stick to the business of earning a living, raising a family, or serving the community than summon the courage to deal with the unsettling immensity of what reality might really be.

Instead of just thinking about this, let's see if we can experience these two ‘me's directly. Here's a little experiment that I'd like you to try. For this exercise I'd like you to become aware of your thoughts and not let the act of reading distract you. It may help if you record this paragraph and play it back to yourself, or get a friend to read it to you.

Please take a few moments now to let your mind relax a little.

Just as we can be aware of the feelings and movements in our body we can also step back from our thoughts and simply watch them. We are not normally aware of our thoughts - one thought arises which then leads to another and then another, until we become lost in our own world. But right here, right now, step back in your mind and simply be aware of your thoughts as they come and go.

Just watch them for a few moments, nothing more. Simply sit still and wait for a thought to arise and then just be aware of that thought without following it or attaching any meaning to it. This is something we can all do. Simply watch them come and go. Feels good doesn't it?

And just watch that thought come and go too.

Now, as we are doing this, simply be aware of who is doing the watching, the feeling of your own Presence. Who we think we are, our self concept, is in the realm of thought - those things that we are stepping back from right now and are able to watch. But who we really Are is who it is that's doing the watching.

You can see now that they are two distinctly separate entities. Who you really Are is the observer.

As you are aware of your Self watching your thoughts, recognize now that who you really Are cannot be known or deducted from thought. Who you really Are can only be known through this awareness, through direct experience.

This is a simple yet profound understanding that is easy to forget but will stand us in good stead later on.

So what was the point of this little exercise?

It may have seemed silly but it has an important purpose, - to help us see that who we think we are cannot be true. Who we think we are is bound up in thought - those things our real Self has just been watching. As we start to step back from our everyday thinking mind and allow ourselves to relax deeper into the experience of who we really Are we come to recognize that this true Self is far more intelligent, alive, creative, loving, resourceful and unlimited than anything our thoughts could even conceive of.

As we have just experienced, there is no effort or journey required to access the awareness of our true Self-just a letting go of our attachment to our thoughts and the changing world they picture so we can step back in our mind and relax - letting our attention rest in the experience of what always Is. This is so simple and easy it is almost universally overlooked.

~The little book of Flow