When Mark told me about creating this site, naturally the first thing I pondered was what the name means. “Thoughtwrestling” – it captures the imagination because it is an apparent contradiction, combining the ethereal with the physical.
But of course, we wrestle with our thoughts every day. We wake up, get ourselves and our families ready for school and work, and the interactions begin. Perhaps something is weighing on our mind and it bubbles over into a completely unrelated moment: we snap at the guy making our coffee, or react badly to a remark we would normally disregard.
Suddenly, we have a grain of Drama in our day, and we fixate on it: we replay the moment in our mind, imagine what we should have said, imagine the reply, imagine a completely different outcome. And chances are this happens more than once a day, or we remember other incidents from other days. As we move through the day, our imagined life and what actually happens to us struggles for the same limited attention span. It adds to our stress levels, impacts our happiness and that of those who love us. Our ever- categorizing minds keep track of these incidents, for future reference.
And that’s just the day to day. During periods of extraordinary stress, our coping skills are tested and sometimes the path forward is not clear; we may wind up having an extraordinary reaction in the opposite direction. A minor disagreement at work, combined with the weight of previous incidents real or imagined, may lead to us suddenly quitting. A glass of wine with supper may turn into a bottle over the course of the evening - every evening.
I know the progression all too well. But I have also experienced peaceful moments, where it seemed as if everything was clear, with no grievances from the past or worries of the future weighing on the present. Much of my own life has reflected a desire for a quiet and ordered mind, from infrequent stretches of martial arts training to studying Zen Buddhism.
Of course, what we desire and what actually happens are often two different things; but working toward that desire for peace is, at least, a start. We can cultivate peaceful moments through a variety of meditative activities; things that may require minimal thought but are still productive, like driving, running, washing dishes, playing video games. We can take regular breaks at work, negotiate with our family for “quiet” time.
The mind does not like to do nothing. With no external stimulation, it will try to create something to do. It will dredge up today’s Drama. If that doesn’t work, it will call for reinforcements.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Virgo Man
The Virgo male is orderly and methodical in his thinking, but not always in his dress. Typically a generous and loyal soul, he may not be overly sympathetic in romantic affairs although he constantly harbors a desire to assist those in need. This man usually proves to be a true partner or husband..once he makes up his mind..and will be very affectionate and devoted to his family. At times, Virgo males may be extremely demanding, requiring that any mates prove themselves over and over again. They will also expect sacrifices to be made if necessary. Anyone seeking a "sugar daddy" or a man who will take infinite care of his partner had best seek elsewhere. This individual can be depended upon, but he is nobody's fool. The key word here is integrity and above all else, the Virgo male needs to feel that he is worthy. This is a man with a quick mind and one who is practical and honest. However, he is basically shy in terms of sharing his feelings. Any partner must help the Virgo male to build his confidence and it would be foolish to expect him to be outgoing. This is a far from happy-go-lucky soul. In order to fully understand him, it is necessary to learn how to "read between the lines." Males governed by Virgo need mates who have faith in them and can appreciate depth of feeling. Patience will also be a factor when it comes to achieving goals. To be truly happy with a Virgo man, any prospective partner must appeal to his intellect rather than his emotions. He is inherently critical and discriminating, and does not admire anyone who is weak or whimpering. Males governed by Virgo prefer strong individuals who can hold their own in any given situation. By nature, men of this Zodiac Sign are very practical and will not waste a great deal of time on those who cannot command their respect. If this male ever appears harsh and arbitrary, then it is probably because he expects much more from a partner than that person has been able to provide. In marriage, he will be self-sufficient, dutiful and faithful. Though dependable souls and good providers, Virgo males are not necessarily exciting or adventurous when it comes to romance. Thus, many partners of these men often seek clandestine affairs. It will be important for any mate to realize that no amount of love, attention and/or devotion will ever transform this man into a Don Juan. When it comes to the ability to change, he will inevitably be somewhat stuck in his ways. His staid attitude is frequently well-hidden in the early stages of a love affair. Indeed, he may initially come across as flirtatious, seductive and a veritable tease. This can lead to problems and much confusion further down the road when the true Virgo nature emerges in full force since once a commitment has been made, he will undoubtedly seem to have lost his love for the chase, preferring to "cozy up" with a good book instead of his partner.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
What it's Like to Date a Aquarius Woman
The Aquarius woman is the ultimate independent woman. She is funny, smart, adventurous, never clingy or jealous, never demanding and not overly emotional. She is unpredictable and craves excitement. Anything goes with this woman and any man that she chooses will have an amazing relationship. Court her and woo her, she expects this ladylike treatment, she is old fashioned in that sense but be known that her mind is already made up and if she is not interested, she will never be interested. The relationship will progress slowly because she does not get emotionally involved very easily and she is not one for showy displays of romantic affection. The man who is trying to win her heart has to treat her with respect and treat her as an equal. Communication is key, this is how a relationship with an Aquarius woman evolves. Once she trusts you and you two grow closer, she is an amazing loyal and kindhearted person. She will always seem to be detached, she fears losing her identity in a relationship so do not be surprised if even in a long term relationship she seems more like a fiend then a romantic partner. Do not press her emotionally or tie her down with demands and obligations because this will cause her to run. Never be jealous, this is a big red flag to her and she will leave right away, the Aquarius woman can never be tied down, she is free as a bird. If you give her all she needs, she will be completely faithful so you should not worry when she is out on her own, give her space and respect her privacy and all will be well. Aquarius woman is for the man who loves a challenge and adventure.
Aquarius Woman
Aquarius Woman
If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.
Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.
She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.
She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to have many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.
Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone, she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".
She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage, her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.
She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her, let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.
She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad, be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.
You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.
She has many type of jobs because she believes what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.
If she mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bore you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.
If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.
Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.
She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.
She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to have many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.
Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone, she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".
She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage, her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.
She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her, let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.
She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad, be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.
You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.
She has many type of jobs because she believes what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.
If she mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bore you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.
Aquarius Part 1
Step 1
Engage is some intellectual rapport with your Aquarius friend or acquaintance. There's nothing that an Aquarius appreciates more than mental stimulation. Talk about politics, philosophy , psychology and science to really get her gears turning.
Step 2
Avoid letting yourself take anything personally in any kind of debate that may naturally occur between you and an Aquarius. It is Aquarius' nature to grow extremely opinionated and contrary while debating and he may even take the exact opposite position on a topic to simply force you to see the other side. They are constantly questioning ideas, and while they may be very dogmatic about a concept one day, they might not be the next. Do not let this get to you. If you are bothered by having your ideals coming into question, decline to participate in debate.
Step 3
Expect an Aquarius to be unpredictable. She may be gregarious, personable and extroverted one day and be quiet and thoughtful the next. She is also given to wild experimentation in her way of doing things. Do not be disturbed by this, it simply comes along with the type of person who is constantly questing for some kind of truth.
Step 4
Grow a bit of a thicker shell if you're the sensitive type, because Aquarius tends to "call it like he sees it." This can be viewed as overly assertive and tactless by some, but Aquarius is just trying to cut past the fluff so that he can get to the center of the matter. If an Aquarius touches on your insecurities or hypocrisies (big or small), it's better to listen to what he has to say than get angry at him because it is more productive.
Step 5
Understand that Aquarius can be a very unemotional and detached sign. When growing to be closer and closer friends, you may intuitively start expecting a more sensitive side to emerge that you can open up to. Don't be disappointed if this does not happen. You can still pour your heart out to an Aquarius and explain every overpowering emotional experience you've ever undergone, and she will listen with her undivided attention. It is simply that she processes these things more like a scientist fascinated by how you work, than a sympathizing ear. This does not mean she doesn't love you or care about you--it's just the way she is.
Aquarius people are original and do not follow anyone else. They enjoy being different from others. The personalities of most Aquarius people are progressive, liberal, with a fixed opinion. Because of Aquarius inflexibility they will have conflicts with many people. They ignore what others think and go off on their own way of thinking. They think of boredom in the terms of a disease and try to avoid it as often as they can. They fully expect others to accept them exactly as they are, or they don't have much use for them in their lives.
They have an unmistakable stubborn streak, but when left to be themselves, they make unusual and endlessly interesting people to be around.
Aquarius people seem to live in their own minds. They are open-minded and seek knowledge. They do not let their emotions get involved in their decisions. Therefore their judgments are done objectively. They tend to have a mistrust of emotions, which results in inner conflicts with themselves. Aquarius people are outgoing and people oriented. They can tolerate most people’s weaknesses. They are often concerned with the well being of the world. They do not get to close in relationships because they prefer to stay distant from others.
Independence is important to Aquarius and they will sacrifice anything to keep it. If they begin to feel trapped they will try everything to get free. They enjoy seeing others happy. Aquarius people want to do something important and meaningful in their life. They are creative and imaginative. But they are not interested in doing any hard work. They prefer to come up with an idea and let others do the work. They like to act like an expert in any field even though they might not know much about the subject.
Aquarius people are not quick to point out other’s faults. They enjoy arguing with others as an intellectual exercise. They take joy in verbally provoking people who they see as dull. They are determined not to be like anyone else. They are very kind people. Aquarius people are easygoing, honest, helpful, and reasonable people. They believe in live and let live. They are never boring and can change other people’s lives for the better.
Aquarius people who are in love focus all their interest into that one person. Their being seems to be on a higher plane while in love. They are very sincere, friendly, and liberal individuals. They enter social relationships prepared to give the best of them self. To keep an Aquarius person’s love you must love them completely and give them their freedom. Most Aquarius people are interested in books, science, and gadgets.
Engage is some intellectual rapport with your Aquarius friend or acquaintance. There's nothing that an Aquarius appreciates more than mental stimulation. Talk about politics, philosophy , psychology and science to really get her gears turning.
Step 2
Avoid letting yourself take anything personally in any kind of debate that may naturally occur between you and an Aquarius. It is Aquarius' nature to grow extremely opinionated and contrary while debating and he may even take the exact opposite position on a topic to simply force you to see the other side. They are constantly questioning ideas, and while they may be very dogmatic about a concept one day, they might not be the next. Do not let this get to you. If you are bothered by having your ideals coming into question, decline to participate in debate.
Step 3
Expect an Aquarius to be unpredictable. She may be gregarious, personable and extroverted one day and be quiet and thoughtful the next. She is also given to wild experimentation in her way of doing things. Do not be disturbed by this, it simply comes along with the type of person who is constantly questing for some kind of truth.
Step 4
Grow a bit of a thicker shell if you're the sensitive type, because Aquarius tends to "call it like he sees it." This can be viewed as overly assertive and tactless by some, but Aquarius is just trying to cut past the fluff so that he can get to the center of the matter. If an Aquarius touches on your insecurities or hypocrisies (big or small), it's better to listen to what he has to say than get angry at him because it is more productive.
Step 5
Understand that Aquarius can be a very unemotional and detached sign. When growing to be closer and closer friends, you may intuitively start expecting a more sensitive side to emerge that you can open up to. Don't be disappointed if this does not happen. You can still pour your heart out to an Aquarius and explain every overpowering emotional experience you've ever undergone, and she will listen with her undivided attention. It is simply that she processes these things more like a scientist fascinated by how you work, than a sympathizing ear. This does not mean she doesn't love you or care about you--it's just the way she is.
Aquarius people are original and do not follow anyone else. They enjoy being different from others. The personalities of most Aquarius people are progressive, liberal, with a fixed opinion. Because of Aquarius inflexibility they will have conflicts with many people. They ignore what others think and go off on their own way of thinking. They think of boredom in the terms of a disease and try to avoid it as often as they can. They fully expect others to accept them exactly as they are, or they don't have much use for them in their lives.
They have an unmistakable stubborn streak, but when left to be themselves, they make unusual and endlessly interesting people to be around.
Aquarius people seem to live in their own minds. They are open-minded and seek knowledge. They do not let their emotions get involved in their decisions. Therefore their judgments are done objectively. They tend to have a mistrust of emotions, which results in inner conflicts with themselves. Aquarius people are outgoing and people oriented. They can tolerate most people’s weaknesses. They are often concerned with the well being of the world. They do not get to close in relationships because they prefer to stay distant from others.
Independence is important to Aquarius and they will sacrifice anything to keep it. If they begin to feel trapped they will try everything to get free. They enjoy seeing others happy. Aquarius people want to do something important and meaningful in their life. They are creative and imaginative. But they are not interested in doing any hard work. They prefer to come up with an idea and let others do the work. They like to act like an expert in any field even though they might not know much about the subject.
Aquarius people are not quick to point out other’s faults. They enjoy arguing with others as an intellectual exercise. They take joy in verbally provoking people who they see as dull. They are determined not to be like anyone else. They are very kind people. Aquarius people are easygoing, honest, helpful, and reasonable people. They believe in live and let live. They are never boring and can change other people’s lives for the better.
Aquarius people who are in love focus all their interest into that one person. Their being seems to be on a higher plane while in love. They are very sincere, friendly, and liberal individuals. They enter social relationships prepared to give the best of them self. To keep an Aquarius person’s love you must love them completely and give them their freedom. Most Aquarius people are interested in books, science, and gadgets.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Основные правила жизни.
Правило Зеркала
Окружающие меня люди — мои зеркала. Они отражают особенности моей собственной личности, часто не осознаваемые мною. Например, если кто–то мне хамит, значит, я так хочу, я это позволяю. Если кто–то снова и снова обманывает меня, значит, я склонен к тому, чтобы поверить любому. Так что обижаться не на кого.
Правило Выбора
Я осознаю, что все происходящее в моей жизни — есть результат моего собственного выбора. И если сегодня я общаюсь со скучным человеком, значит, я сам скучен и занудлив. Нет плохих и злых людей – есть несчастные. Если я разгребаю их проблемы, значит, мне это нравится. Так что не к кому предъявить претензии. Я сам причина всего, что происходит со мной. Автор и творец своей судьбы — я сам.
Правило Погрешности
Я согласен с тем, что могу ошибаться. Не всегда мое мнение или мои поступки другие люди должны считать правильными. Реальный мир не только черное и белое, есть еще светло–серое и темно–белое. Я не ИДЕАЛ, я просто хороший человек и имею право на ошибку. Главное – суметь признать её и вовремя исправить.
Правило Соответствия
Я имею ровно то, и ровно столько, чему я соответствую, чего заслуживаю, не больше, не меньше, касается ли это отношений с людьми, работы или денег. Если я не могу любить человека на полную катушку, смешно требовать, чтобы этот человек ТАК любил меня. Так что все мои претензии бессмысленны. И вместе с тем, когда я сам решаю измениться — меняются и окружающие меня люди (в лучшую сторону).
Правило Зависимости
Мне никто ничего не должен. Я же способен и могу бескорыстно помочь всем, кому могу. И мне это в радость. Чтобы стать добрым, надо стать сильным. Чтобы стать сильным, надо поверить в то, что я всё могу. А я верю! Но надо и уметь говорить «НЕТ!»
Правило Присутствия
Я живу здесь и сейчас. Прошлого нет, потому что каждую следующую секунду наступает настоящее. Будущего нет, потому что его еще нет. Привязанность к прошлому приводит к депрессии, озабоченность будущим порождает тревогу. Пока я живу настоящим, я НАСТОЯЩИЙ. Есть повод порадоваться.
Правило оптимизма
Пока мы ругаем жизнь, она проходит мимо. Глаза видят, ноги ходят, уши слышат, сердце работает, Душа радуется. (Могло быть и хуже…).Остальное зависит от меня.
Окружающие меня люди — мои зеркала. Они отражают особенности моей собственной личности, часто не осознаваемые мною. Например, если кто–то мне хамит, значит, я так хочу, я это позволяю. Если кто–то снова и снова обманывает меня, значит, я склонен к тому, чтобы поверить любому. Так что обижаться не на кого.
Правило Выбора
Я осознаю, что все происходящее в моей жизни — есть результат моего собственного выбора. И если сегодня я общаюсь со скучным человеком, значит, я сам скучен и занудлив. Нет плохих и злых людей – есть несчастные. Если я разгребаю их проблемы, значит, мне это нравится. Так что не к кому предъявить претензии. Я сам причина всего, что происходит со мной. Автор и творец своей судьбы — я сам.
Правило Погрешности
Я согласен с тем, что могу ошибаться. Не всегда мое мнение или мои поступки другие люди должны считать правильными. Реальный мир не только черное и белое, есть еще светло–серое и темно–белое. Я не ИДЕАЛ, я просто хороший человек и имею право на ошибку. Главное – суметь признать её и вовремя исправить.
Правило Соответствия
Я имею ровно то, и ровно столько, чему я соответствую, чего заслуживаю, не больше, не меньше, касается ли это отношений с людьми, работы или денег. Если я не могу любить человека на полную катушку, смешно требовать, чтобы этот человек ТАК любил меня. Так что все мои претензии бессмысленны. И вместе с тем, когда я сам решаю измениться — меняются и окружающие меня люди (в лучшую сторону).
Правило Зависимости
Мне никто ничего не должен. Я же способен и могу бескорыстно помочь всем, кому могу. И мне это в радость. Чтобы стать добрым, надо стать сильным. Чтобы стать сильным, надо поверить в то, что я всё могу. А я верю! Но надо и уметь говорить «НЕТ!»
Правило Присутствия
Я живу здесь и сейчас. Прошлого нет, потому что каждую следующую секунду наступает настоящее. Будущего нет, потому что его еще нет. Привязанность к прошлому приводит к депрессии, озабоченность будущим порождает тревогу. Пока я живу настоящим, я НАСТОЯЩИЙ. Есть повод порадоваться.
Правило оптимизма
Пока мы ругаем жизнь, она проходит мимо. Глаза видят, ноги ходят, уши слышат, сердце работает, Душа радуется. (Могло быть и хуже…).Остальное зависит от меня.
Friday, October 29, 2010
- ничего ни у кого ни под каким видом отнимать нельзя – это беспредел. А беспредел по понятиям карается беспределом.
- бить никого нельзя, все вопросы и претензии должны быть разведены только по понятиям
- исключение – вас послали на х.. или в какое подобное место. Отсюда –
- никого посылать никуда не следует да и вообще материться в тюрьме нельзя (прям пажеский корпус :))
- за любой, даже невинный базар надо быть готовым держать ответ
- физическая сила очень мало стоит – главное ваша внутренняя сила и страх (или их отсутствие)
- бить никого нельзя, все вопросы и претензии должны быть разведены только по понятиям
- исключение – вас послали на х.. или в какое подобное место. Отсюда –
- никого посылать никуда не следует да и вообще материться в тюрьме нельзя (прям пажеский корпус :))
- за любой, даже невинный базар надо быть готовым держать ответ
- физическая сила очень мало стоит – главное ваша внутренняя сила и страх (или их отсутствие)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Basic Rights of Assertive Behavior
1. I have the right to act in a manner that promotes my dignity
and self-respect, as long as I do not violate the rights of others
with my behavior.
2. I have the right to be treated with respect.
3. I have the right to say “No” without feeling guilty.
4. I have the right to feel and express my feelings.
5. I have the right to take the necessary time to calm down and
think.
6. I have the right to change my mind.
7. I have the right to ask for whatever I wish.
8. I have the right to do less than what I could if I were using all
my reserves.
9. I have the right to ask for information.
10. I have the right to make mistakes.
11. I have the right to feel good about myself.
and self-respect, as long as I do not violate the rights of others
with my behavior.
2. I have the right to be treated with respect.
3. I have the right to say “No” without feeling guilty.
4. I have the right to feel and express my feelings.
5. I have the right to take the necessary time to calm down and
think.
6. I have the right to change my mind.
7. I have the right to ask for whatever I wish.
8. I have the right to do less than what I could if I were using all
my reserves.
9. I have the right to ask for information.
10. I have the right to make mistakes.
11. I have the right to feel good about myself.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Accomplish what you can; endure what you must; understand what you may - and this do for yourself, but not just for yourself: do this for yourself and others. Welcome alike the day and its labor, the night and its repose; throw yourself into the waters of life and swim bravely and without anxiety, for these waters are native to you; you were born to swim in them.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Cчастье
Cчастье происходит от слова «часть». Человек не может получить все, и вот, когда он удовлетворен тем, что имеет, той частью, которую ему предоставила жизнь, тогда он счастлив.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Patience
Patience is like a beautiful ornament. When you become a person with great patience, it brings a certain element of charm to your life. You are loved by others, and you give no problems to your friends. You bring an element of joy, happiness, and calmness to other people's lives - your friends, your family, and the community. You do not have to ask to be accepted; everyone longs for your presence. Everyone looks up to you and respects you, not because you have worked for that or expected it, not because you were competing for their favor, but simply because of the nature of patience. You are respected and trusted, and you acquire dignity with the practice of patience. When you are honored, it is with sincerity, and it is something you can live up to.
Losing Temper
Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."
Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Just Like A Dream
Just like a dream. There is no boogie man.
Thought is just a thought and can not hurt you.
Before thought entered your mind nothing bothered you, so its just a thought, not your life
Keep in the present. Pull yourself back in the present as many times as you can. Make it a game; see how many times you can catch yourself. Don’t deal with would-be problems. It’s a waste of time.
Slow down. Use the back burner. (be on the back burner - if a plan is on the back burner, no one is dealing with it at present, but it has not been completely forgotten)
Life is good the way it is now, right now.
Be aware of moods. In the bad mood don’t take anything or anyone seriously.
Kind and open does not mean weak.
Do not criticize yourself. You do the best you can at the time
Feel comfortable while doing nothing.
Play time warp. Will it be important a year from now?
Thought is just a thought and can not hurt you.
Before thought entered your mind nothing bothered you, so its just a thought, not your life
Keep in the present. Pull yourself back in the present as many times as you can. Make it a game; see how many times you can catch yourself. Don’t deal with would-be problems. It’s a waste of time.
Slow down. Use the back burner. (be on the back burner - if a plan is on the back burner, no one is dealing with it at present, but it has not been completely forgotten)
Life is good the way it is now, right now.
Be aware of moods. In the bad mood don’t take anything or anyone seriously.
Kind and open does not mean weak.
Do not criticize yourself. You do the best you can at the time
Feel comfortable while doing nothing.
Play time warp. Will it be important a year from now?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Coping With Sensitivity
You may feel sensitive and vulnerable to intense stimuli today. Your body may react with distress when exposed to loud noises, bright lights, strong scents, or coarse fabrics. This sensitivity to your environment could cause you to feel exhausted or overwhelmed. You can cope with your heightened sensitivity by putting distance between yourself and whatever is stressing you, perhaps by spending a quiet day at home where you can relax, refresh yourself, and allow your period of sensitivity to run its course. If you can’t get away or take the day off today, try concentrating mainly on tasks that don’t require you to interact too much with what you are feeling sensitive to, as this could help you regain your equilibrium.
When you’re feeling highly sensitive, both physically and mentally, spending time in a calm, low-stress environment and engaging in quiet pursuits can help you relax and unwind. The modern world can be often be overwhelming, with its harsh scents, bright lights, constant clamor, and hectic schedules. Retreating to a serene place when you feel sensitive gives your senses an opportunity to rest and recover, while moving from pleasant task to pleasant task at your own pace can restore your internal balance. As your feelings of hypersensitivity subside, you’ll feel confident enough to emerge once again into the world. Your sensitivity will gradually diminish today when you retreat into the sanctuary of a quiet, soothing place.
http://www.dailyom.com/
When you’re feeling highly sensitive, both physically and mentally, spending time in a calm, low-stress environment and engaging in quiet pursuits can help you relax and unwind. The modern world can be often be overwhelming, with its harsh scents, bright lights, constant clamor, and hectic schedules. Retreating to a serene place when you feel sensitive gives your senses an opportunity to rest and recover, while moving from pleasant task to pleasant task at your own pace can restore your internal balance. As your feelings of hypersensitivity subside, you’ll feel confident enough to emerge once again into the world. Your sensitivity will gradually diminish today when you retreat into the sanctuary of a quiet, soothing place.
http://www.dailyom.com/
Friday, March 5, 2010
Affirmations
o I can eliminate any bad habit.
o I expand my will power through practice.
o With my expanded will power, I escape from bad habits.
o One by one, I eliminate all bad habits.
o Nothing can stand in my way.
o Nothing can touch my will.
o Nothing can shake my resolve.
o My will power grows stronger each day.
o My mind is set.
o Nothing can stop me.
o I will succeed.
o Old friends who would have me indulge my bad habits are out.
o With will and thought, I conquer every bad habit, one at a time.
o I am not my bad habits. My true self is free to be warm,
compassionate, loving, and kind.
o I am stronger than any negative desire or temptation.
o No matter how many times I fail, I will rise and conquer.
o As I strengthen my body through physical exercise, I strengthen
my will with mental exercise.
o With will and thought, I cast out this bad habit from the
neurocircuits in my brain.
o With will and thought, I cultivate the habits of a sage: Love,
peace of mind, compassion, and strength
Phil Shapiro
o I expand my will power through practice.
o With my expanded will power, I escape from bad habits.
o One by one, I eliminate all bad habits.
o Nothing can stand in my way.
o Nothing can touch my will.
o Nothing can shake my resolve.
o My will power grows stronger each day.
o My mind is set.
o Nothing can stop me.
o I will succeed.
o Old friends who would have me indulge my bad habits are out.
o With will and thought, I conquer every bad habit, one at a time.
o I am not my bad habits. My true self is free to be warm,
compassionate, loving, and kind.
o I am stronger than any negative desire or temptation.
o No matter how many times I fail, I will rise and conquer.
o As I strengthen my body through physical exercise, I strengthen
my will with mental exercise.
o With will and thought, I cast out this bad habit from the
neurocircuits in my brain.
o With will and thought, I cultivate the habits of a sage: Love,
peace of mind, compassion, and strength
Phil Shapiro
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Bridge Between Fear and Peace
A chapter from Dr. Phil Shapiro's Healing Power: Ten Steps to Pain Management and Spiritual Evolution
Change and loss mark life on the physical plane. We will ultimately lose everything, including our loved ones,possessions, and ultimately, the body. At death, we must face the abyss, the infinite unknown. Fear, a natural and intelligent response to these changes, has two key functions. It identifies the nature of the dangers we face, and it helps us fashion the best strategy for survival.
Fear becomes a problem itself, however, if we avoid it. If we run, it takes on a life of its own. Although we may temporarily gain comfort by pushing our fear into the subconscious, it does not remain dormant. Rather, it infuses the conscious mind with fearful fancy, chronic worry, and doubt. It may escalate to panic or terror. Irrational fear ties up energy, impairs judgment, adversely affects health, and obstructs psychological and spiritual growth.
Fear is often difficult to detect: we design all kinds of creative disguises to avoid it. If we dig deep enough, however, we can find our fear hiding behind anger, jealousy, addiction, dependency, self-importance, and rigid beliefs. To master fear, we must first strip it of its many costumes, experience it directly, and face it with courage.
Courage is the bridge between fear and peace. When we courageously work through our fears, new levels of peace and strength slowly emerge. If we face it until it is gone, we eventually reach the grand prize, the fearless peace of the soul.
In ordinary consciousness, we feel insecure, knowing that we can lose what we have at any time. In spiritual consciousness, we feel safe, since there is nothing to lose. The soul is conscious, immortal peace. Nothing can touch the soul. It is eternally protected and safe. With sustained spiritual practice, we can shift from the fear and insecurity of the material plane to the permanent peace of the soul.
The key to maintaining peace is the mind. Everything that happens is perceived by the mind. The mind, in turn, determines the body’s response. The mind is conditioned to respond to events with fear or tranquility. If the mind reacts with fearful thoughts, the body responds with an elevated heartbeat, sweat, shortness of breath, butterflies in the stomach, dry mouth, and a feeling of impending doom. If the mind stays calm, the body stays relaxed.
By practicing the spiritual methods described in this work, we can recondition the mind to remain calm in frightening circumstances. Ordinarily we use a small percentage of our concentration, our minds thus remaining susceptible to thoughts of fear and insecurity. A concentrated mind maintains its focus on the peace of the soul, no matter what. In effect, our work is to change thoughts of fear to those of peace by practicing mindfulness, meditation, the presence of G-d, affirmations, yoga, and other techniques. With sustained practice, the mind remains calm, positive, strong, and focused under all conditions. Eventually, we can achieve the superconscious state of fearless peace.
There are three stages of fear. In stage one, we try to avoid fear. This makes it grow. In stage two, we face all of our fears with courage. Slowly, peace replaces fear. In stage three, we reach the permanent peace of the soul.
Fear is an enemy only if we run and hide. If we ride its waves until they dissipate, it will give us its power.
Change and loss mark life on the physical plane. We will ultimately lose everything, including our loved ones,possessions, and ultimately, the body. At death, we must face the abyss, the infinite unknown. Fear, a natural and intelligent response to these changes, has two key functions. It identifies the nature of the dangers we face, and it helps us fashion the best strategy for survival.
Fear becomes a problem itself, however, if we avoid it. If we run, it takes on a life of its own. Although we may temporarily gain comfort by pushing our fear into the subconscious, it does not remain dormant. Rather, it infuses the conscious mind with fearful fancy, chronic worry, and doubt. It may escalate to panic or terror. Irrational fear ties up energy, impairs judgment, adversely affects health, and obstructs psychological and spiritual growth.
Fear is often difficult to detect: we design all kinds of creative disguises to avoid it. If we dig deep enough, however, we can find our fear hiding behind anger, jealousy, addiction, dependency, self-importance, and rigid beliefs. To master fear, we must first strip it of its many costumes, experience it directly, and face it with courage.
Courage is the bridge between fear and peace. When we courageously work through our fears, new levels of peace and strength slowly emerge. If we face it until it is gone, we eventually reach the grand prize, the fearless peace of the soul.
In ordinary consciousness, we feel insecure, knowing that we can lose what we have at any time. In spiritual consciousness, we feel safe, since there is nothing to lose. The soul is conscious, immortal peace. Nothing can touch the soul. It is eternally protected and safe. With sustained spiritual practice, we can shift from the fear and insecurity of the material plane to the permanent peace of the soul.
The key to maintaining peace is the mind. Everything that happens is perceived by the mind. The mind, in turn, determines the body’s response. The mind is conditioned to respond to events with fear or tranquility. If the mind reacts with fearful thoughts, the body responds with an elevated heartbeat, sweat, shortness of breath, butterflies in the stomach, dry mouth, and a feeling of impending doom. If the mind stays calm, the body stays relaxed.
By practicing the spiritual methods described in this work, we can recondition the mind to remain calm in frightening circumstances. Ordinarily we use a small percentage of our concentration, our minds thus remaining susceptible to thoughts of fear and insecurity. A concentrated mind maintains its focus on the peace of the soul, no matter what. In effect, our work is to change thoughts of fear to those of peace by practicing mindfulness, meditation, the presence of G-d, affirmations, yoga, and other techniques. With sustained practice, the mind remains calm, positive, strong, and focused under all conditions. Eventually, we can achieve the superconscious state of fearless peace.
There are three stages of fear. In stage one, we try to avoid fear. This makes it grow. In stage two, we face all of our fears with courage. Slowly, peace replaces fear. In stage three, we reach the permanent peace of the soul.
Fear is an enemy only if we run and hide. If we ride its waves until they dissipate, it will give us its power.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Things To Remember
Life will never be perfect, it will be inherently messy, and that's totally okay.
You have to take responsibility for your behavior and the choices you make.
Often action has to precede a change in thinking.
Thoughts can't hurt you and you don't have to believe them.
You cannot hold yourself responsible for other people's actions; every adult human being is responsible for their own life.
Guilt is just a trick that keeps you entangled.
Feelings can't kill you and they will never last forever.
Willingness is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.
You can't wait for the ambivalence to disappear because it won't until you have made it to the other side.
You are not your things. You are INFINITE POSSIBILITY.
Comparisons with others are meaningless and pointless.
You have to take responsibility for your behavior and the choices you make.
Often action has to precede a change in thinking.
Thoughts can't hurt you and you don't have to believe them.
You cannot hold yourself responsible for other people's actions; every adult human being is responsible for their own life.
Guilt is just a trick that keeps you entangled.
Feelings can't kill you and they will never last forever.
Willingness is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself.
You can't wait for the ambivalence to disappear because it won't until you have made it to the other side.
You are not your things. You are INFINITE POSSIBILITY.
Comparisons with others are meaningless and pointless.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Elements Of Emotional Maturity
Ability to genuinely listen to others without judgment
Ability to tolerate others' disagreements or behaviors without losing control or lashing out
Ability to fight fair, to argue without making it personal, to compromise
Ability to see another person's perspective
Ability to cope with unexpected change
Ability to recognize your feelings as they occur
Ability to express your feelings appropriately
Ability to control strong emotions or impulses
Ability to take responsibility for your actions and behaviors
Ability to build and maintain friendships and get nourishment from them
Ability to recognize that no one is responsible for your emotional state (i.e. codependency)
Ability to accept reality without resignation or dwelling on it's negative aspects
Ability to maintain perspective under trying circumstances
Ability to learn from your mistakes and change your behavior accordingly
Ability to delay gratification, to work toward a goal on an ongoing basis without taking shortcuts that are illegal or self-destructive
Ability to clearly describe your emotional needs
Ability to apologize when appropriate
Ability to forgive
Ability to keep your word and be dependable
Ability to recognize your own needs and meet them
Ability to seek support and ask for help
Ability to question your own assumptions
Ability to maintain balance in your life between work, family, personal needs
Having a sense of when not to talk, ability to maintain silence when needed
Sense of humor including about yourself
Ability to be kind to yourself
Ability to feel joy and gratitude in your daily life
Ability to prioritize important tasks over less important tasks without getting bogged down by minutia
Accountable for yourself and your actions
Flexibility, the ability to adapt and adjust to changing circumstances
Ability to maintain boundaries in relationships
Ability to assess others' needs and act accordingly
Ability to be part of society and to work for the greater good of others
The ability to enjoy the successes of others without envy or jealousy
Ability to tolerate others' disagreements or behaviors without losing control or lashing out
Ability to fight fair, to argue without making it personal, to compromise
Ability to see another person's perspective
Ability to cope with unexpected change
Ability to recognize your feelings as they occur
Ability to express your feelings appropriately
Ability to control strong emotions or impulses
Ability to take responsibility for your actions and behaviors
Ability to build and maintain friendships and get nourishment from them
Ability to recognize that no one is responsible for your emotional state (i.e. codependency)
Ability to accept reality without resignation or dwelling on it's negative aspects
Ability to maintain perspective under trying circumstances
Ability to learn from your mistakes and change your behavior accordingly
Ability to delay gratification, to work toward a goal on an ongoing basis without taking shortcuts that are illegal or self-destructive
Ability to clearly describe your emotional needs
Ability to apologize when appropriate
Ability to forgive
Ability to keep your word and be dependable
Ability to recognize your own needs and meet them
Ability to seek support and ask for help
Ability to question your own assumptions
Ability to maintain balance in your life between work, family, personal needs
Having a sense of when not to talk, ability to maintain silence when needed
Sense of humor including about yourself
Ability to be kind to yourself
Ability to feel joy and gratitude in your daily life
Ability to prioritize important tasks over less important tasks without getting bogged down by minutia
Accountable for yourself and your actions
Flexibility, the ability to adapt and adjust to changing circumstances
Ability to maintain boundaries in relationships
Ability to assess others' needs and act accordingly
Ability to be part of society and to work for the greater good of others
The ability to enjoy the successes of others without envy or jealousy
Sunday, February 7, 2010
The Hindrance Of Restlessness And Worry
To concentrate and see clearly, we must overcome restlessness and worry, the fourth of the five hindrances. The wise way to overcome the hindrances is to understand them well, rather than getting rid of them quickly. Investigating them is a bit like learning to farm instead of accepting food. Investigation may take time, but what is learned will support us for a long time.
The Buddhist word translated as “restlessness” is uddhacca meaning to shake. It is a state of agitation and over-excitement. Some people live restless lives. Constant activity can channel the restlessness at the expense of neither confronting it nor settling it. Because restlessness is uncomfortable, it can be difficult to pay attention to. Paradoxically, restlessness is itself sometimes a symptom of not being able to be present for discomfort. Patience, discipline, and courage are needed to sit still and face it.
When physical, restlessness may appear as compulsive energy bouncing throughout the body. We can’t get comfortable. There may be incessant impulses to fidget or even to bolt. It can also appear as shakiness or agitated vulnerability, as when we have had too much caffeine.
When mental, restlessness can manifest as scattered or persistent thinking. It is present whenever we are caught in distraction. There may be an inability to focus — the mind recoils from being directed anywhere, or it jumps from one thing to the next, incapable of settling. This is sometimes called monkey mind. As a swinging monkey grasps one branch and immediately reaches for the next, so the restless mind focuses on one thing and immediately reaches out for the next, never satisfied with anything.
During deep meditation, restlessness can manifest as excitement about states of peace. Many meditators have been pulled out of such states by their amazement in experiencing the stillness. When the mind is quiet, restlessness can be as subtle as thinking, “I am not thinking anything.” It can be triggered during deep calm, when breathing seems to stop or when perception of the body ceases. Even more subtly, restlessness is present whenever there is the slightest clinging or pride in such states of calm.
Worry, or kukkucca is the other half of the fourth hindrance. Classically it is explained as the agitated feelings of regret for what one has done or not done in the past. Nowadays it seems useful to expand the meaning to include the broader concept of “worry.” Concern over imagined futures can cause much worry. And people may carry a disquieting self-concept, giving rise to agitation over “who they think they are.” There can be anxiety that one’s self-image will be threatened. Many people can feel shame or guilt without any reason.
Strong regret and worry hinder being quiet and focused during meditation. Occasionally they can be powerful enough that meditation is counter-indicated. For example, with some regrets it might be necessary to make amends before doing meditation. Or when worry is overwhelming, psychotherapy may be more useful.
Usually, however, restlessness and worry can be worked through in meditation. Simply being mindful is a big step. Having a hindrance is like wandering through a maze staring at the ground. Being mindful is like standing above the maze to get an overview. Without eliminating a hindrance, mindfulness gives us better perspective of what is happening.
To be mindful of restlessness, it is useful to feel it physically. If there is a lot of energy coursing through the body, imagine the body as a wide container where the energy is allowed to bounce around like a ping pong ball. Accepting it like this can take away the extra agitation of fighting the restlessness. Sitting still with the restlessness often allows it to settle down on its own.
Because the settling can take a while, patience is needed. Sometimes the mind will marshal myriad arguments to convince you to act on some restless impulse. During meditation it is important not to give in to irrational compulsions, such as the notion that it is important to defrost the freezer immediately.
Once we have studied restlessness and worry, it is useful to notice when it is not present. Physically, emotionally, and mentally, what is the felt sense of being, at least temporarily, free of restlessness? The knowledge of what it is like to be still, calm, or peaceful is very nourishing. It can dissuade us from believing restless thoughts, and it can give us an appreciation of healthy alternatives to being caught in a hindrance.
The classic Buddhist instruction for restlessness and worry includes noticing what triggered it. This includes looking back over what might have been the cause and condition. By understanding an ongoing cause, we may be able to remove the cause. We can wisely avoid activities that bring restlessness or regret.
Frustrated desire and pent-up aversion are common causes of agitation. Fear and resentment are others. Dissatisfaction is a cause that can keep the mind restless with searching. Trying too hard in meditation can also stir up the mind. When any of these are primary, it can be more useful to be mindful of them than the restlessness. Ignoring the causes can keep us skimming the surface; being mindful of the underlying causes can help with the settling.
Once we have a better understanding of restlessness and worry, it is important to learn how to prevent them from arising and how to let go of them when they are occurring. For instance, it is important to have enough exercise, sleep, and good nutrition because their lack can cause restlessness. It is also important to live one’s life ethically, so that our behavior and speech do not give us cause to be agitated. This is using our intelligence to become skilled in working through these challenges. Developing confidence in such skill can weaken the power of restlessness.
Learning to breathe through restlessness is a great skill. Breathing consciously with the whole body, or focusing on the ongoing rhythm of breathing in and out, can calm the body. The more attention given to breathing, the less is available to fuel the restlessness or worry. Paying attention that we aren’t holding or constricting the breathing can be helpful.
When physical pain is triggering restlessness, it is important to address the pain. When appropriate and possible, try to alleviate the pain. When the pain can’t be alleviated or when we see the opportunity inherent in meditating with it, then learning to separate the pain from our reaction is the first step to settling the restlessness.
When thinking is a big part of restlessness, it can be useful to relax the “thinking muscle,” softening any tension or pressure associated with thinking. There may be strain in the eyes or tightness in the forehead, jaws, shoulders, or stomach that can be slowly released on a series of successive out breaths.
One of the more profound skills for working through restlessness and worry is to let go of the beliefs that keep them going. Strong opinions about what is or is not supposed to be happening incite the mind; judgments of good and bad seldom lead to calm. Attachment to a self-image also tends to be agitating. It can be liberating to realize that we don’t have to believe every thought we have.
We live in a restless age. While we might be overcoming restlessness for our own benefit, it is also helpful to the people around us. Hopefully we can all support each other in being nourished by a heart deeply at rest in itself.
Adapted from a talk by Gil Fronsdal
The Buddhist word translated as “restlessness” is uddhacca meaning to shake. It is a state of agitation and over-excitement. Some people live restless lives. Constant activity can channel the restlessness at the expense of neither confronting it nor settling it. Because restlessness is uncomfortable, it can be difficult to pay attention to. Paradoxically, restlessness is itself sometimes a symptom of not being able to be present for discomfort. Patience, discipline, and courage are needed to sit still and face it.
When physical, restlessness may appear as compulsive energy bouncing throughout the body. We can’t get comfortable. There may be incessant impulses to fidget or even to bolt. It can also appear as shakiness or agitated vulnerability, as when we have had too much caffeine.
When mental, restlessness can manifest as scattered or persistent thinking. It is present whenever we are caught in distraction. There may be an inability to focus — the mind recoils from being directed anywhere, or it jumps from one thing to the next, incapable of settling. This is sometimes called monkey mind. As a swinging monkey grasps one branch and immediately reaches for the next, so the restless mind focuses on one thing and immediately reaches out for the next, never satisfied with anything.
During deep meditation, restlessness can manifest as excitement about states of peace. Many meditators have been pulled out of such states by their amazement in experiencing the stillness. When the mind is quiet, restlessness can be as subtle as thinking, “I am not thinking anything.” It can be triggered during deep calm, when breathing seems to stop or when perception of the body ceases. Even more subtly, restlessness is present whenever there is the slightest clinging or pride in such states of calm.
Worry, or kukkucca is the other half of the fourth hindrance. Classically it is explained as the agitated feelings of regret for what one has done or not done in the past. Nowadays it seems useful to expand the meaning to include the broader concept of “worry.” Concern over imagined futures can cause much worry. And people may carry a disquieting self-concept, giving rise to agitation over “who they think they are.” There can be anxiety that one’s self-image will be threatened. Many people can feel shame or guilt without any reason.
Strong regret and worry hinder being quiet and focused during meditation. Occasionally they can be powerful enough that meditation is counter-indicated. For example, with some regrets it might be necessary to make amends before doing meditation. Or when worry is overwhelming, psychotherapy may be more useful.
Usually, however, restlessness and worry can be worked through in meditation. Simply being mindful is a big step. Having a hindrance is like wandering through a maze staring at the ground. Being mindful is like standing above the maze to get an overview. Without eliminating a hindrance, mindfulness gives us better perspective of what is happening.
To be mindful of restlessness, it is useful to feel it physically. If there is a lot of energy coursing through the body, imagine the body as a wide container where the energy is allowed to bounce around like a ping pong ball. Accepting it like this can take away the extra agitation of fighting the restlessness. Sitting still with the restlessness often allows it to settle down on its own.
Because the settling can take a while, patience is needed. Sometimes the mind will marshal myriad arguments to convince you to act on some restless impulse. During meditation it is important not to give in to irrational compulsions, such as the notion that it is important to defrost the freezer immediately.
Once we have studied restlessness and worry, it is useful to notice when it is not present. Physically, emotionally, and mentally, what is the felt sense of being, at least temporarily, free of restlessness? The knowledge of what it is like to be still, calm, or peaceful is very nourishing. It can dissuade us from believing restless thoughts, and it can give us an appreciation of healthy alternatives to being caught in a hindrance.
The classic Buddhist instruction for restlessness and worry includes noticing what triggered it. This includes looking back over what might have been the cause and condition. By understanding an ongoing cause, we may be able to remove the cause. We can wisely avoid activities that bring restlessness or regret.
Frustrated desire and pent-up aversion are common causes of agitation. Fear and resentment are others. Dissatisfaction is a cause that can keep the mind restless with searching. Trying too hard in meditation can also stir up the mind. When any of these are primary, it can be more useful to be mindful of them than the restlessness. Ignoring the causes can keep us skimming the surface; being mindful of the underlying causes can help with the settling.
Once we have a better understanding of restlessness and worry, it is important to learn how to prevent them from arising and how to let go of them when they are occurring. For instance, it is important to have enough exercise, sleep, and good nutrition because their lack can cause restlessness. It is also important to live one’s life ethically, so that our behavior and speech do not give us cause to be agitated. This is using our intelligence to become skilled in working through these challenges. Developing confidence in such skill can weaken the power of restlessness.
Learning to breathe through restlessness is a great skill. Breathing consciously with the whole body, or focusing on the ongoing rhythm of breathing in and out, can calm the body. The more attention given to breathing, the less is available to fuel the restlessness or worry. Paying attention that we aren’t holding or constricting the breathing can be helpful.
When physical pain is triggering restlessness, it is important to address the pain. When appropriate and possible, try to alleviate the pain. When the pain can’t be alleviated or when we see the opportunity inherent in meditating with it, then learning to separate the pain from our reaction is the first step to settling the restlessness.
When thinking is a big part of restlessness, it can be useful to relax the “thinking muscle,” softening any tension or pressure associated with thinking. There may be strain in the eyes or tightness in the forehead, jaws, shoulders, or stomach that can be slowly released on a series of successive out breaths.
One of the more profound skills for working through restlessness and worry is to let go of the beliefs that keep them going. Strong opinions about what is or is not supposed to be happening incite the mind; judgments of good and bad seldom lead to calm. Attachment to a self-image also tends to be agitating. It can be liberating to realize that we don’t have to believe every thought we have.
We live in a restless age. While we might be overcoming restlessness for our own benefit, it is also helpful to the people around us. Hopefully we can all support each other in being nourished by a heart deeply at rest in itself.
Adapted from a talk by Gil Fronsdal
RAIN Formula
R: Recognize it and name it.
A: Accept it.
I: Investigate it. Be curious. What is it like, right now, this moment, in the body, heart and mind?
N: Non-identification (Not-me). This feeling is just a passing process that comes and goes, it’s not who I am.
A: Accept it.
I: Investigate it. Be curious. What is it like, right now, this moment, in the body, heart and mind?
N: Non-identification (Not-me). This feeling is just a passing process that comes and goes, it’s not who I am.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Vocalizing Your Thoughts
Vocalizing your thoughts is an easy way to share with others and calm a restless mind. Often, thoughts become trapped in our minds, lacking an outlet, and they become distressing to us when we cannot rid ourselves of them. Speaking your mind affords you an opportunity to reveal what you are thinking and feeling. Simultaneously, it allows you to make sense of recurring thoughts because you have put them into clear, precise words. The people that you speak to may be able to help you make sense of confusing thoughts or vague feelings as you process what’s on your mind through conversation. When you discuss your ideas with others, your thoughts will become less ethereal and more concrete.
Express > Repress = Piece of Mind
http://www.dailyom.com/
Express > Repress = Piece of Mind
http://www.dailyom.com/
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Knotty Mind
Imagine you have had a tough week. You worked hard, endured a lot of stress and you feel depleted and irritable. You find yourself at a social event, but your heart is not really in it. Part of you would like to just go home, but you know that’s not your best option, so you decide to make the best of it.
So what do you do? First you need to be aware of your current state. You recognize that you are tired, a little uncomfortable. You notice that your attitude toward other people is not as charitable as it could be. You notice the thoughts that are flowing through your mind. You observe them as data, but don’t get caught in the fallacy that they are fact. Your annoyance is viewed as a transient state brought on by various conditions. You recognize that you could stay in your anti-social funk or you could use skillful means for changing it. You decide to change it. You get clear on your intention to change your state.
You now are no longer the worn out shlub who walked into this room. You are a radiant being. You are ready to enjoy the event. You can meet and greet acquaintances and strangers without fear. You can be spontaneous and charming or quiet and receptive, as the occasion requires.
So what do you do? First you need to be aware of your current state. You recognize that you are tired, a little uncomfortable. You notice that your attitude toward other people is not as charitable as it could be. You notice the thoughts that are flowing through your mind. You observe them as data, but don’t get caught in the fallacy that they are fact. Your annoyance is viewed as a transient state brought on by various conditions. You recognize that you could stay in your anti-social funk or you could use skillful means for changing it. You decide to change it. You get clear on your intention to change your state.
You now are no longer the worn out shlub who walked into this room. You are a radiant being. You are ready to enjoy the event. You can meet and greet acquaintances and strangers without fear. You can be spontaneous and charming or quiet and receptive, as the occasion requires.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Laugh At Fear
"One of the mental toughness secrets of the world class is laughing in the face of pressure, pain, and fear. No matter how big the problem may seem, it won't matter in 100 years. A good mental strategy is doing the opposite of the masses. When the masses are freaking out, you should be laughing. This isn't frivolous, it's street smart. The middle class performer waking up at night worried about the economy is the victim of his/her own fear based thinking. Scared people make short term, irrational decisions. Stay strong and clear headed by hanging loose and laughing at the folly of life. If you can, you'll be happier and more creative in problem solving when times are tough, and you'll be unstoppable and even happier when good times return. The million dollar bonus is once you've stared fear in the face and prospered, you'll never be afraid of tough times again."
-Steve Siebold, CSP
-Steve Siebold, CSP
Sunday, January 10, 2010
"Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment."
"Let's not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember "Life is too short to be little"."
"When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness."
"Today is our most precious possession. It is our only sure possession."
"It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it."
"Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. "
"Success is getting what you want..Happiness is wanting what you get."
"You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind."
"One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses."
"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity."
~Dale Carnegie
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Bо время боя
Bо время боя воин должен пребывать в состоянии безмыслия, ум должен постоянно быть в состоянии движения и не фиксироваться ни на чем, чтобы воспринимать все и вовремя принимать необходимые решения.
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