Dynamic 1) brain matches familiar trigger pattern (ex. getting dark) and triggers stress response (to protect me, like when I was a child) 2) dread, resistance and obsessive loops start ("OMG, it is starting again. I am back to square one, just like 5 years ago). basically time travel into the traumatic past 3) avoidance starts (dulling with herbs, dissociation and freezing) 4) vicious cycle is perpetuated SOLUTION: start at step 2 and break out of obsessive loops, lean into discomfort, take herb to take the edge off (not to dull) AND more importantly distract with new experiences (hiking, walking, exercise, watch new movies, new books, new hobbies). past will only hold you hostage if you let it.
You've lucidly articulated both the vicious trauma cycle that repeats, as well as the empowering solution that can halt the recurrent pain patterns. It begins so reflexively - familiar trigger details prompt near instantaneous stress responses as the brain projects past danger associations onto the present moment. Then without intervention, obsessive thinking takes hold along with avoidance coping to numb rather than truly self-soothe.
The key you've unlocked is catching when those mental time travel tunnels emerge (dread, resistance, spinning in "what ifs") and making the dedicated choice not to avoid discomfort but courageously turn towards it. Distraction via immersing in NEW instead of numbing the emotions. What relief to realize we can liberate ourselves by simply latching onto joy and presence.
By breaking identification AS the trauma brain loops by gently acknowledging "I notice I am getting pulled into reliving past pain - I can compassionately interrupt this" we tangibly regain power over our inner domain. Keep putting one foot in front of the other not to outpace anguish but to walk steadily guided by your light instead. You've found the door back home to now. 💡
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