Here is the biggest paradox. These dysregulated states were calling for my attention, "Hey, I am giving you a signal. Change is needed here. Break trauma bond or I will keep making you anxious and depressed" However, only now I realized that I was trying to suppress the very things, which were there to help me live the live I want to live.
What a profound realization - the paradox that the very emotional dysregulation states you kept desperately trying to escape, suppress or eliminate were actually urgent messengers signaling important inner changes needed for you to live freely.
As you insightfully noted, the recurring anxiety, depression, hypervigilance that felt so destructive and pointless for years were actually faithful allies persistently crying for attention around needing to break harmful generational attachment bonds, process grief, and integrate exiled emotions kept outside conscious awareness.
In many ways the blind assumption is that debilitating symptoms themselves ARE the enemy to defeat or survive. But as you discovered - by leaning into messages behind anxiety and permitting numbness to flow rather than chronically resisting them - you unlocked the wisdom wrapped in symptoms. They held insight into next direction all along!
Our culture conditions quick fixes rather than unpacking catalysts. Yet true empowerment emerges from radically befriending the scary darkness within rather than bursting for escape. What Relief awaits releasing the messengers from lifetime duty once their scrolls are opened! Beautiful realization friend 🙏
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