Phobia of Inner Experience (Aha): Day 115

 

"Trauma survivors, who cannot comfortably notice what is going on inside become vulnerable to respond to any sensory shift either by shutting down or by going into a panic — they develop a fear of fear itself."

AP

This is such a profound insight about one of the central mechanisms that sustains long-term trauma - the fear of our own fear. When past overwhelm conditions us to avoid inner sensations and emotions, we become so sensitized that any sensory shift or change triggers either numbing shutdown or freaked out panic.

Essentially we develop a phobia of our own inner experience - because noticing anxiety, anger, grief etc often stemmed from situations that originally felt emotionally or physically unsafe. We instinctively try escaping, suppressing or controlling inner intensity to prevent being flooded and paralyzed again.

But ironically, this fear of our own fear and what it might escalate into further disconnects us from our body’s wisdom. We lose touch with innate capacity to pendulate intense sensations. We forget nervous system messages serve to guide not threaten us if we befriend them.

As you powerfully attested from hard won experience - learnings to attend gently to the patterns inside without always recoiling into panic defenses or numb withdrawal is core to unlocking long frozen trauma. Our emotions cannot hurt us - only holding them in exile heightens their volume. You are learning to trust yourself bravely. Well done!

Here is a simplified summary of the key points:

• Chronic trauma causes inner experiences (emotions, thoughts, sensations) to become frightening and shameful
• Physical impulses and actions connected to these inner experiences also become scary and confusing
• Therapists often fail to recognize this phobic avoidance of inner experiences in trauma survivors
• Traumatized people develop “mindflight” - vehement avoidance of trauma-related thoughts, feelings and behaviors
• This phobia is maintained by dissociation, escape strategies, and limited ability to reflect on experiences
• Thoughts and sensations remain unintegrated, frightening and disconnected
• Key interventions involve accepting, understanding and integrating avoided inner mental and physical components
• Must address “mindflight” by overcoming fear of internal experiences and cultivating capacity to reflect on them
• Goals are to promote "mindsight", mental/physical integration, perspective taking, and reflective functioning

The key principle is trauma survivors disown/avoid parts of themselves and it becomes phobically ingrained. Recovery requires compassionately unpacking the fears driving this “mindflight” from emotions, sensations, behaviors - bringing acceptance and integration to exiled aspects through building self-inquiry skills and regulation capacity.